South Carolina Family Law Blog : Spartanburg Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Turnipseed, Brannon & Stevens Law Firm : South Carolina Family Law Serving Columbia, Charleston, Greenville, Hilton Head Island

Last week, the public learned that Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren had finalized their divorce.  What was surprising is what was not heard last week.  There was no knock down drag out fight.  No "he said – she said".  No hooplah at all.  Just the following statement they jointly released:

We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future. While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us. Once we came to the decision that our marriage was at an end, the primary focus of our amicable discussions has been to ensure their future well-being. The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern. 

Odds are that you will never be able to hit a golf ball like Tiger, but you can divorce like him if you follow these three simple steps:

1. Determine your true priorities.  It is obvious that the Tiger and Elin wanted to spare their children from a lengthy, nasty, public divorce.  For that reason, both parties likely made concessions in order to achieve that goal.  Had their priorities been greed or revenge, their divorce would have played out like many other celebrity divorces – such as Frank and Jamie McCourt's divorce trial that began this week.
2. Take reasonable and prudent actions.  Would it have made Elin feel better to come out and call Tiger every name in the book for his infidelities?  Certainly, but toward what end?  In the long term, doing so would not really benefit her in the divorce case, and those scathing words would always be public knowledge for her children to read about their father one day.
3. Hire the best attorney that you can afford.  It should be obvious that both Elin and Tiger had excellent attorneys, because both parties accomplished their main goals in the case. Both parties seem to have done well financially.  They worked out a schedule with their children.  They kept their private life private, to the benefit of themselves and their children.

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For those dealing with long-distance visitation and/or relocation issues, judges are beginning to require "virtual visitation" on an ever-increasing basis.  A recent article explained that a New York judge has ordered that a Long Island mother make her two children available to talk to their father via Skype, an online video conferencing service, as a condition of her move to Florida.

While this was apparently the first time a judge in that state has required video conferencing, judges here in South Carolina have done it in certain cases for quite some time.  Today's technology provides many tools, such as e-mail, instant messaging and Web cams.  Obviously, chatting virtually is not as good as actual, "face-to-face" visitation, but for parents who live a great distance from their children, it is far superior to merely talking by telephone.

If you want to learn more about these issues, you can review the following resources:

• "Live-Action Interaction: Virtual Visitation Diminishes Distances Between Divorced Parents and Their Kids" published in the ABA Journal (2005) 
• "Virtual Parents: How Virtual Visitation Legislation Is Shaping the Future of Custody Law" published Journal of Law and Family Studies

Source:  "Judge Orders Skype Visits as Condition of Mom’s Move" by Molly McDonough, published at the ABA Journal | Law News Now.

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Child custody cases are among the most difficult types of Family Court cases – for both the litigants and the attorneys.  In addition to the obvious fact that you cannot split a child in half (as happens with many of the financial issues), emotions always run high when dealing with custody and visitation issues.

Fortunately, Divorcenet.com has published a comprehensive Child Custody Checklist that outlines many of the types of issues that must be addressed and decisions that must be made in these types of cases.  I have listed the first 10 items for your reference, but you should read all 49 using the link below.

1. Hire the right lawyer, with the right experience, knowledge and training. Hiring the correct lawyer is the most important action that you can take. Without the right lawyer nothing seems to work out as well – no matter how much work you put into your case.
2. Get recommendations for the right lawyer (from your family lawyer, friends, bar association).
3. Make a list of the other person's weaknesses. The other person is usually your spouse or former spouse, but may be grandparents, foster parents, siblings, or even the State.
4. Make a list of the other person's strengths. This is really important. It is too easy to concentrate on the other person's weaknesses and what they do wrong -- here we want you to list what they do right.
5. Make a list of your strengths.
6. Make a list of your weaknesses. Be brutally honest. Only you and your lawyer will see the list.
7. List the strengths in your present position from the view of the judge: job, economics, help from parents, etc.
8. List the strengths of the other person in his or her present position.
9. Decide if you should be the first to initiate the suit.
10. Decide if you should try to settle the case.

You can (and should) continue reading the other items on this checklist by clicking here.

Source:  "Child Custody Checklist" published at Divorcenet.com.

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The following Guest Post, "Sudden Divorce Syndrome: Reality or Myth?" is from Robert L. Mues, Esq. and Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, and is published here with their permission:

Our goal as a psychotherapist and Family Law specialist is to present both the legal and emotional perspectives of a trend that we are seeing in our professional practices: long term marriages ending by divorce when the wife has come to the conclusion that she has just “had enough” and that the husband is seemingly caught “blindsided” by the situation. The intent of the article is not a male versus female point and counterpoint, but rather a collaborative discourse that can provide insight into the complexity of the issues. The legal analysis is in regular black font and the perspective from the psychological/emotional perspective is in blue italics…

Having been a divorce lawyer for over 30 years, I see recurring themes in many of my cases. Statistics show that there will be about a million divorces in the United States this year. About 75% are filed by women. More of my male clients are telling me that they are completely “blind-sided” by the divorce situation. These are individuals in long-term marriages who have honored their wedding vows, are not abusers, and had not been separated. This scenario is becoming so common that some lawyers and psychologists have given it a name: “Sudden Divorce Syndrome.”

While it is true that women may file more often than men, it does not necessarily follow that they WANT a divorce. They simply have surrendered the hope that the marital relationship can change. It is only after years of feeling ignored, devalued, invisible and unheard, do women finally pull the plug and file for divorce. The term, “Sudden Divorce Syndrome,” implies that women throw out their marriage as impulsively as they change shoes. A man may be shocked by the news that his wife wants “out” but that doesn’t mean she hasn’t given plenty of warning. It usually means he wasn’t listening. “Sudden Divorce Syndrome” assumes impulsive behavior on the part of the woman. Nothing is further from the truth. Perhaps a better term would be “Shocked Divorce Syndrome.” That certainly is an accurate description of these men who find themselves blindsided.

I have represented both the man and woman in these situations. Here are my impressions of what I am seeing. Men and women think and react very differently. Often, the woman will monitor the relationship for a period, and will by nature attempt to fix it. The man may perceive this as nagging or complaining. The man then may become more distant and withdrawn. As time passes, without counseling, neither party is happy and their needs become unmet. The wife may suppress her feelings for a period in hopes that the situation will change. Ultimately, the wife concludes that her only choice for happiness is to separate and to file for divorce. The man is caught unaware of the situation, and even if he offers to change, he has missed that opportunity. The woman says that she has become tired of “talking to the wall.” When I inquire of her what is wrong she will answer, “Everything.”

As a psychotherapist in private practice for 25 years I see this happen with regularity. The struggle and ambivalence women experience about leaving their marriage cannot be overstated. And often they struggle for a really long time. When I ask women “how long have you been unhappy?” I find that most respond with a time line that represents roughly half the life of the marriage. In other words, a woman who is married for 20 years will often say she has been unhappy for 10 years. Again, there is nothing sudden about these decisions. Women don’t leave on a whim. On the contrary, many of them stay too long.

Prior to seeking a divorce, they frequently show up in my office on the referral of their family physician. They have headaches, digestive problems, insomnia, depression or anxiety. These can be symptoms of living in an untenable relationship for years. These physical ailments are manifestations of what happens when we live our lives in a way that goes against our value system. It puts us “ill at ease” or in “dis-ease” and when we make change to remedy the situation, these ailments often abate. I have heard countless women exclaim, “I had no idea how much stress I was living with, until I ended my marriage.”

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Last week, I gave two presentations at the South Carolina Association for Justice convention held in Hilton Head Island, SC. For the family law section, my presentation was titled "How to Run Your Family Law Practice in the Clouds" and it focused on incorporating web-based technology, such as DropBox, Evernote, Rocket Matter, etc. I demonstrated how I utilize these programs in my office and the many benefits that they offer to me, my staff, and my clients. This is always one of my favorite conferences every year, and thanks to SCAJ for inviting me to speak again this year.

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The South Carolina Court of Appeals issued a decision last week which has some impact on Family Court cases.  In Jennings v. Jennings, the wife told parties' daughter-in-law that the husband was having an affair.  The daughter-in-law then accessed the husband's Yahoo email account, printed emails between the husband and his girlfriend, and gave copies to the wife, her attorney, and her private investigator.

The husband responded by filing a civil suit against the wife, the daughter-in-law, and the private investigator in Circuit Court, alleging invasion of privacy, conspiracy to intercept and disseminate private electronic communications, and violations of a number of statutes (including the South Carolina Homeland Security Act, South Carolina Computer Crime Act, Title I of the Federal Electronic Communications Privacy Act, and the Stored Communications Act (SCA).

The Circuit Court dismissed the husband's case, holding that the Yahoo e-mails were not stored by an "electronic communication service" (ECS) and were not stored "for purposes of backup protection".  The Court of Appeals found that the lower court had erred in concluding Yahoo was not an ECS, and it remanded the case for further proceedings.  In its decision, the Court discussed such nuances as:

• Whether it matters if the emails were accessed from the husband's hard drive or directly from Yahoo's system;
• Was Yahoo acting as a "remote computing service" (RCS) rather than an "electronic communication service" (ECS);
• Were the emails being stored "for purposes of backup protection"?
• Does the Stored Communications Act (SCA) apply to emails in a "post-transmission" state?

The analysis of these questions and the issues in this case is very helpful when analyzing these types of issues.  You can read the full text of Jennings v. Jennings by clicking here.

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One of the topics that I give presentations on at continuing legal education seminars is the benefits offered to family law attorneys by using alternative fee arrangements.  My practice has been based on a "fixed fee" model for over five years now, and my only regret is not making the switch sooner.  There have been several posts on this blog about this subject over the years (here, here, and here).

The theme of the July 2010 edition of Law Practice Today is Practice-Based Alternative Fee Arrangements.  I had the honor of serving as the editor for this issue, and I am proud of the many excellent articles that we were able to collect for it.  If you are interested in this subject, consider the following articles:

• "Make Time Work for You: Handling Cases on a Fixed-Fee Basis" by J. Benjamin Stevens – There are multiple reasons why handling cases on a fixed-fee basis is better for both our clients and ourselves.
• "Fixed-Fee Engagements in Litigation Cases: Why and How" by Michael Sherman – Making the argument for why fixed fees are better than hourly billing, along with practical tips for how to make the switch.
• “This Isn't Your Father's Law Firm”—But Maybe It Should Be" by Victor J. Medina – Are you ready for a practical alternative to the “legal services as commodities” trend? Here’s an approach that builds a longtime client family.
• "The Billable Hour Zombie: Why You Need to Act Now to Avoid an Attack on Your Business" by Jessika M. Ferm – Various factors seriously threaten the traditional hourly billing system—but some easy-to-implement strategies will help you realign.
• "Client-Directed Billing: Shifts in Who Defines the Value of Legal Services" by Jim Calloway and Mark A. Robertson – More and more, clients are directing how the value of the legal services they use is determined and many of them are looking at alternatives to hourly billing.
• "From Practice to Business: Flat-Fee Relationship Engagements for Transactional Lawyers" by Kevin E. Houchin – Getting beyond the hourly billing trap requires admitting there’s a better way—and then acting to implement it.
• "Getting Creative with Your Fees" by Micah Buchdahl – The creativity can be endless, if you are willing to simply change the way you are used to doing business.
• "Making Alternative Fee Arrangements Work in Corporate Litigation" by Ed Poll – Why and how to employ an alternative billing philosophy in which lawyer and client share risk based on the case’s outcome.

 You can read the entire issue by clicking here.

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As I've posted many times before (1, 2, 3, 4, and 5), Facebook has become a factor in a growing number of Family Court cases.  A recent article discussed the many ways that Facebook has continued turning virtual reality into real-life divorce drama, including:

• Husband goes on Match.com and declares his single, childless status while seeking primary custody of said nonexistent children.
• Husband denies anger management issues but posts on Facebook in his "write something about yourself" section: "If you have the balls to get in my face, I'll kick your ass into submission."
• Father seeks custody of the kids, claiming (among other things) that his ex-wife never attends the events of their young ones. Subpoenaed evidence from the gaming site World of Warcraft tracks her there with her boyfriend at the precise time she was supposed to be out with the children. Mom loves Facebook's Farmville, too, at all the wrong times.
• Mom denies in court that she smokes marijuana but posts partying, pot-smoking photos of herself on Facebook.

• Remember not to post anything that you don't want the Judge to see.
• Be careful who you try to recruit to your side, because your words can come back to haunt you.
• Don't post any compromising photographs.
• Utilize privacy settings to minimize who has access to your information.

Source:  "Divorce Lawyers: Facebook Tops in Online Evidence" by Leanne Italie, published at ParentDish.

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