Child's Preference in Custody Cases
Rarely does a week go by in which I am not asked the following question: How old does a child have to be before he can choose which parent he/she wants to live with? Put another way, what is the "magic age" in South Carolina when children are able to make a decision in custody cases?
Fortunately, there is no such "magic age" in South Carolina. In our state, the Family Court must consider the preference of every child, no matter how young or how old. Of course, the Court is also required to place the appropriate weight on the child's reasons for having such a preference. This second step is equally important (if not more so) than the first one. The applicable statute on this issue is
S.C. Code Section 20-7-1515. Child's preference for custody to be considered.
In determining the best interests of the child, the court must consider the child's reasonable preference for custody. The court shall place weight upon the preference based upon the child's age, experience, maturity, judgment, and ability to express a preference.
Should there be a designate age at which children may make this decision? I believe that the answer clearly is "no." Why? Some of the reasons for my opinion are listed below:
- Most children are simply not mature enough to consider all of the implications of a custody determination. Children love both of their parents, and if being candid, they would tell you that they want to live with both of their parents and not one vs. the other. To them, anything less can simply be unacceptable.
- Most children prefer to live in the least restrictive environment, and this is especially true with teenagers. If you were a fifteen year old, which of the following parents would you pick: Parent A who lets you come and go as you please, stay out until all hours of the night, not do chores around the house, and not put the proper emphasis on schoolwork, or Parent B who has strict rules with regard to all of those issues? Which of those households is more likely to help that child grow into a successful adult?
- Children are subject to improper influence by their parents or others. Unfortunately, a parent who is desperate to "win" a custody case will attempt to bribe a child to choose him/her over the other parent. What young child would not be enticed (at least somewhat) by the lure of a shiny new video game system, motorcycle, or dance lessons? What if grandma or grandpa offers those items to the child if he "picks" a certain parent?
- Children do not want to upset their parents. In fact, it is not uncommon for children of conflicted divorces to begin to take on some parental responsibilities toward their parents. Could this desire not to hurt a parent's feelings or disappoint him/her lead a child to make a choice on that basis? Is that really in the child's best interest?
- Family Court judges will tell you that custody decisions are among the toughest decisions they must make. Why should we believe that a 10, 12, or 15 year old child should be able to address such a difficult issue? A child should never be put in that position or allowed to make such a difficult, often agonizing, decision.
I have primary custody of my son and I am attempting to move from Greenville, SC for financial needs. Is this considered to be a change of condition for a custody change because that is what my ex is saying. Also, is it possible to go after full custody when my ex's husband was arressted for CDV even though charges were dropped? Lastly, why can people allege whatever they want in a complaint just to get into court even though they can't prove any of it because it never happened?
My husband was awarded temporary custody of my son. My son tells me that his father hits him, curses at him, throws his things at him and breaks them. Shouldn't he be allowed to tell the family court judge what his living situation is?
I am trying to get full custody of my two year old daughter. Her father feels like he doesn't want to do anything but run the streets, and show her off in front of people when it's convient for him. I do everything for her day in and day out. But he figures if he sends $50.00 here and something three months later that he is doing his job. He want see her, spend time with her, but still yet he makes promises that he can't keep.
My ex-husband and I have been divorced for 7 years, we have two sons that he was awarded custody of. There was always a question of the youngest childs father because I had an affair, however he could not be located he is now found me and wants to know if he is the father I have not told my ex yet that he has found me, My question is can my ex still retain custody of a child that is not his, my youngest son is 8 and wants to live with me because my ex has always treated him differnt please tell me can he legally do that?
My Nephews age 12 & 14 want to live with their grandmother. They have always wanted to live with her. She is now living in South Carolina and they live in Florida with their parents. They are visiting here for the summer and they do not want to leave.
What will she have to do to get gaurdianship, or custody?
Thank you
I am a 17 year old high school student in SC. My parents divorced when I was young. I lived with my mom at first, then I moved with my dad and his girlfriend. That was the worst thing that ever happened to me. Now that I am old enough to really make my own decisions, I've decided that I want to live with my aunt in NC. I spending the summer with her and I'm loveing it. It is much better enviornment, the scool is great and I'm happy here. My dad and I don't get along and I honestly don't think that he will allow me to stay. I just want to finish my last year of high school here without all of problems I was facing at home. My aunt has agreed to let me stay and so has my mom, but the decision is ultimately up to my dad. What can I do to get away from him?
Our granddaughter lives in Pelion, SC and we live in Southwest, GA. she loves both of her parents, but her mother does drugs in front of her with her friends and the child goes to school dirty and smelly. She wants to live in Georgia with her Dad and Stepmom. She will turn 11 in two weeks. Her mom is moving in with a supposed child molester since breaking up with her boyfriend. What can we do we have her for one more week. There are 22 child molesters within an 8 mile radius. She is beautiful. How can we protect her when her mom won't? Can we petition the judge ourselves? We've had 2 lawyers let us down already.
My Ex and I separated Apr 05, divorced in April 06 after the 1 year separation. She recieved custody of the three children in 05 (at the time 13, 15, 17).
I've been paying $617/month for child support since Apr 05. Our oldest will be 19 in October and is now living with me because she is going to a local college.
The ex just started a job in another state and is bringing the two younger children with her. She is going to be making about double what she did here and has also remarried. What steps do I need to take to get the oldest childs portion of Child support cancelled so I can just give it to her for her expenses and also how do I go about getting the child support recalculated with the Ex's new income.
Also she will of course increase her housing expenses and such to match her new income. Does that figure in and make it as if her income never changed or even lowered?
I'm 13 years old. I'm living with my father and completely unhappy. I do good in school, I take all honors classes, I do my chores, and everything i'm told. Yes, I would have more freedoms living with my mother, but that's not why I want to be with her. Being a 13 year old girl not really being able to be with her mother is really hard. I can't talk to my dad because he always gets angry when I tell him something he doesn't want to hear. He's an alcoholic and is rarely ever home. Even when he is home he's usally in his room talking to his girlfriends. My mother is easy to talk to, and is the only one I can trust and count on, so why should my father be able to deny me of being with my mother?
I am currently stationed in Iraq serving Operation Iraqi Freedom. My ex wife has custody of the kids now. My unit is based out of Germany, and my ex wife has since our divorce, remarried and divorced within a year, moved to two different houses and is now living with her parents. She is unable to support the children on her own without outside help. Are these grounds for me recieving custody of my children?
I have a niece (17 yrs old - will be 18 in Nov 2006) who has been living with her aunt since 12 yrs of age. The courts awarded her aunt (my oldest sister) with the custody because of abuse in her former home. The niece now wants to live with me and my wife. Is she of age to make that decision now, or must she wait until her 18th birthday? While there is nothing illegal happening in her current surroundings, she, I believe, does not have the surroundings to help her grow as an adult. One instance is that my niece has had her learners permit to drive since age 16, and her current guardians haven't taken her to drive. My wife and I have taken her on several occasions.
My niece was held back in school at age 12 so she is a Junior in H.S. now. My wife and I have been encouraging my niece to remain in school and to consider going to college.
So, is there anything my wife and I can do, but wait?
I live in Spartanburg, SC and I have a 16 year old daughter who did not want to go to her father's for her weekend visitation because he started accusing her of lying, etc. on the phone last night. She stated that he had been drinking and she did not want to go to his house and listen to it all night. He continuously threatens to take her car that he provides if she does not do everything exactly as he likes, i.e. she did not want to go to a recreational soccer camp this summer and this caused a big scene. Anyway, he threatened to call the police and told her he hoped she knew what she was doing violating a court order. She still did not go.
He came this morning and took her car and cell phone that he provides for her.
Needless to say, we are going to see an attorney Monday morning. Am I supposed to force my child to go in this type of situation?
My stepdaughter has expressed to her father and I for years that she wants to come and live with us. She has told her mother this and we have talked to her mother but she just gets very angry with her and tells her that she better not ever here her say that again. She will be 13 in february is there anything that we are able to do?
MY HUSBAND HAD A SON FROM A FORMER MARRIAGE AND HE WANTS TO LIVE WITH US. HIS MOM SAID HE COULD. DO WE HAVE TO GET GAURDIANSHIP? AND IF SO HOW? HE IS TWELVE AND HIS MOTHER IS WILLING TO GIVE HIM UP WITH STIPULATIONS. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN GAURDIANSHIP AND CUSTODY? SHE DOESNT WANT TO HAVE TO PAY CHILD SUPPORT AND SHE WANTS TO CLAIM HIM EVERY YEAR ON TAXES EVEN IF HE LIVES WITH US, CAN SHE DO THAT?
I HAVE A 14 Y/O DAUGHTER WHO WANTS TO LIVE WITH HER FATHER (ME) WHAT DO I DO TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN. MOTHERS OYFRIEND OF TWO YEARS IS EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE AND MOTHER IS CONSTANTLY YELLING. THERE'S NOT A LOVING SUPPORTATIVE CONVERSATION OUT OF THAAT HOUSE IN 3 YEARS.
J
I am a 15 year old who would like to live with my dad, but my mom says I can't. Her reason is that he works 3rd shift. I was wondering if I am able to choose if I can live with him or if I would be allowed to. Also, would it be possible to take this to court and let my dad have custody of me?
I have a 3year old. My x-wife and I separated in 09/05 and worked out our own visitation. Then she got to the point that she wanted to try to control me with our son a few months later. Every other week when I was my weekend she would say you can't see your son and she would pick him up from day care and then hours later she would say you can come get him. She did this 4 times. The last time I called her bluff and said okay I'm not going to pick him up since you told me not to get him. After that I immediately went and got a lawyer to protect myself for visitation. She hired one as well but her attorney served me with papers b4 my attorney could serve her asking for temporary full custody. Our court date was set for a month a half later, during this time I didn't see my soon b/c I didn't want to go through her telling me I couldn't see him and when it's my time she wouldn't give him to me. Before the final hearing for our divorce we say a mediator and I was wanting joint or shared custody but she didn't want to give it to me unless I paid her car payment(she just about money). So I told her no and we tried to work our visitation but that went no where. I just agreed for her to have full custody b/c I wanted the divorce over. After the divorce a couple of weeks later she called and wanted to know if I wanted to get our son more and of course she knows how much time I like to spend with him I said yes. So we agreed to a new arraignments as I continue to pay my child support. We basically changed it to shared customer where she would have him half the week and I would have him half the week. We've been doing this for over 6-8 months. I finally asked her can we get this modified in our court order so if she tried to get mad she couldn't tell me I couldn't get him b/c it's not court ordered. She said she didn't have a problem with that but when I told her that it would change the child support she had a COW and said no b/c I need the money. I told her we could split the cost of daycare and we both cover our own expenses when he's with us since we both have him the same amount of time and she said no. So recently she started back to her old ways so I've told her that we're going back to the original order. Is there a way I can have this order changed based of what we were doing before since I have documentation from her that we could change what was in the original order. She's getting to the point where she's just trying to be manipulative through our child and use him against me b/c she knows I'll do anything to see him. I'm just feed up, I want to know what I can do to see him more.
My sister and her ex-husband, who are parents of 3 daughters ages 15,14,and 12, have been divorced for 7 yrs. The divorce was not pleasant nor has the relationship since. The court awarded joint custody. At times it works, most times it does not. When a family function, etc arises during the other parents visitation little if any consideration is given by the ex-husband to allow the children to attend. The girls have voiced their opinion numerous times that they want an relationship with both parents but want some say regarding the time they are required to spend with the other; especially for situations as mentioned above. Can they go to family court and have the joint custody ruling overturned and be given an opportunity to make their own decision regarding their visitations ?
I am the mom of a 13 year daughter. Myself and her father have been divorced for 10 years. At the time of the divorce we were awarded joint custody. We have both re-married and now things are becoming very difficult. My father-in-law takes us on a trip out of the country every year at Christmas. My daughter also is very involved in 4-H and cow showing. Her father does not want to allow her to go at Christmas or Go to her show events. Does my daughter have a say on when she has to go to her fathers, or does she have to always miss out on things? She loves her father, but she also wants to do other things that don't necessarily happen on her weekend with me.
i am the mom of a 4 year old boy. i was sexually abused by his father a number of times. we were never married. we were living with the childs fathers parents the last time i was abused...the fathers parents pulled him off of me. i was asked to move out of thier home. i called the police but did not press charges. i moved out and left my son with the parents of the father. for more money i moved to atlanta...had another child....and have now moved back to s.c. the grandfather living in the home with my son is a violent alcoholic verbally and physically...the father is still living in the home with my son and his parents. i have a lawyer and am filing for full custody. they have been sabataging my relationship with my son....trying to turn him against me....its not working but i can see signs of brainwashing....my son also is not potty trained and holds in his poop for days at a time until he is physically in pain. he is very much co dependant and chants things like " but my poppi needs me" over and over and over....i've taken him to see a pediatrician and am taking him to a child therapist next week. my son has no friends and they don't get many visitors. my son hadn't been to the doctor in two years and also is not up to date on his shots. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanx. p.s. no custody has been established and while living in atlanta stayed in contact visited often sent money supplies.
I am the father of a 16 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. I have been divorced from their mom for 6 years and have had custody of both of them. My 16 year old wants to go live with her mom, but I'm not sure if I have to legally let her go. I don't want to let her go mainly because I feel it is in her best interest to stay with me. What do I do?