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I am pleased to present the fourth installment of Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne's excellent series, 50 Ways NOT to Leave Your Lover.  You can follow these links to read Part One, Part Two, or Part Three.  Next week will conclude this series, but in the meantime, here our exclusive presentation of Part Four:

You may remember the song from the 1970’s called “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.” Some of the words of the song are “Slip out the back, Jack…make a new plan, Stan….you don’t have to be coy, Roy….” This is a five part series that plays on this song as “50 ways NOT to leave your lover.”

In our culture and society, there are more ideas that interfere with healthy marriages than help them. We are a selfish and individualistic culture. In business, we sacrifice our families, time with our children, even time for our own selves in pursuit of the sacred dollar. The divorce rate today is nearly one out of every two marriages. When we look for healthy models for strong marriages, functional family systems, those models aren’t typically found in our families, in our friendships, and perhaps not even in our faith communities. Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? This is a question that deserves some attention in a world that is looking for successes.

For the longest time, those that were religious presented with healthier and more stable marriages. Now that is no longer the case. The growing divorce rate in America has crossed just about every ethnic, cultural, religious and even racial divide.

Here is part four of this five part series in offering practical, helpful, and creative ideas to help foster a lasting and healthy relationship in keeping your marriage from being a casualty. Ultimately, a successful marriage and relationship is about how each respects, values, and honors the other in everyday life. Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty. The following are ten more ways that can be helpful:

30. Tell her on a regular basis that you love her. Actually say the words. If you think, “I don’t have to tell her. She knows,” you are wrong. It doesn’t count if you think it but don’t say it out loud.

31. Look at her when you speak to her. This conveys, “This is important and you are important.”

32. Look at him when he speaks to you. This conveys, “What you are saying is important.  You are important.”

33. Celebrate birthdays in a big way.

34. Ask, “What can I do to make you happier?”

35. Be vulnerable to and with your spouse

36. Respond quickly to the other person’s request.

37. Take responsibility for your actions; remember to apologize backed up by learning from your mistakes.

38. Treat each other’s friends and relatives with respect and courtesy.

39. Make opportunities to do something special for your spouse on non-special ordinary occasions. In essence, don’t wait for the expected times to do something special for one another. Claim the everyday and the ordinary as opportunities to share your love with one another.

40. Be willing to seek outside help when necessary. Ask for directions, seek professional help in times of relationship difficulty and trouble. Isn’t your covenant relationship valuable enough for that?

Dr. Trey Kuhne is a pastoral counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist with Pathways Pastoral Counseling located at St Christopher’s Episcopal Church, 400 Dupre Dr, Spartanburg, SC 29307. He specializes in working with individuals, couples and families.