50 Ways NOT to Leave Your Lover (Part Two)
I am pleased to present the second installment of Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne's excellent series, 50 Ways NOT to Leave Your Lover. You can follow this link to read Part One, and here is Part Two:
In our culture and society, there are more ideas that interfere with healthy marriages than help them. We are a selfish and individualistic culture. In business, we sacrifice our families, time with our children, even time for our own selves in pursuit of the sacred dollar. The divorce rate today is nearly one out of every two marriages.
When we look for healthy models for strong marriages, functional family systems, those models aren’t typically found in our families, in our friendships, and perhaps not even in our faith communities. Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? This is a question that deserves some attention in a world that is looking for successes.
For the longest time, those who were religious represented healthier and more stable marriages. Now that is no longer the case. The growing divorce rate in America has crossed just about every ethnic, cultural, religious and even racial divide.
Pathways Pastoral Counseling would like to offer an attempt towards helping marriages last longer and to help build on a platform of sustainability through the diffi culties and trials. As a marriage and family therapist, I am presented with husbands and wives who have grown apart and found it diffi cult to stay connected because of loss of trust, loss of intimacy, loss of love, and no knowledge or skill ability of how to recover that which has been lost.
Here is part two of this five part series offering practical, helpful, and creative ideas to help foster a lasting and healthy relationship keeping your marriage from becoming a casualty. Ultimately, a successful marriage and relationship is about how each respects, values, and honors the other in everyday life.
Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty. The following are ten more ways that can be helpful:
11. When you want something from your partner, say please.
12. When your partner does something for you, say thank you.
13. When your partner comes home after a day at work, greet her/him at the door and say hello. Ask how her / his day went.
14. When your partner leaves for work in the morning, say goodbye and “I love you” or “Have a good day.”
15. When your partner faces a challenge at work during the day, ask how it went when you get home.
16. During your evening meal together, avoid the temptation to watch television or read the paper or mail. Look at your partner and have a conversation.
17. If you want to make plans that affect how your partner will be spending time, check with her/him fi rst and make sure it’s convenient.
18. When you ask your partner a question, make eye contact and listen to the answer.
19. When you disagree with something your partner says, pay attention to your response. Do you express your opinion without putting her/him down? You can express your opinion assertively rather than aggressively. For example, you can say, “I have another opinion. I think we should wait until spring to have the walls painted,” rather than, “That’s silly! We should wait until spring.”
20. Pay attention to how much of your side of the conversation is asking questions versus making statements. If you tend to be the dominant one, ask more questions.
Dr. Trey Kuhne is a pastoral counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist with Pathways Pastoral Counseling located at St Christopher’s Episcopal Church, 400 Dupre Dr, Spartanburg, SC 29307. He specializes in working with individuals, couples and families.
Source: "50 Ways Not To Leave Your Lover" by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, Published in the May 2006 edition of Prime Years.
