SC Family Lawyer Featured in Article About Parental Alienation
Lawyers Weekly USA recently published an excellent article on parental alienation syndrome (PAS). "Parental Alienation: The Latest Weapon in Nasty Divorces" takes an inside look at the various aspects of PAS from the perspectives of those involved in the legal system. The article features interviews with psychologist Richard Gardner and several divorce attorneys: Steve Pradell of Anchorage, Alaska; Susan Gallagher of Minneapolis, Minnesota; Michael R. Walsh of Orlando, Florida; Patrick O'Reilly of Buffalo, New York; and me, Ben Stevens.
Some of the quotes from me in this article are:
Source: "Parental Alienation: The Latest Weapon in Nasty Divorces" by Amy Johnson Conner, published at Lawyers Weekly USA.
Some of the quotes from me in this article are:
- Although parental alienation has become a common weapon in custody cases around the country, proving it can be a tall order. "It's like everything else in a custody case - it all comes down to what you can prove at trial. A lot of bad things happen, but they're very difficult to prove," said Ben Stevens of Stevens MacPhail in Spartanburg, S.C.
- But the heart of any parental alienation case is the expert testimony, according to Stevens. "Take the child to a mental health professional and let him do testing," he suggested. "Then you've got an expert witness to come and say, 'In my expert opinion, this is what's going on.'"
- Third-party witnesses can also be a powerful weapon in court. "Try to line up witnesses that would have had the opportunity to see [the parent] interact with the child. Teachers, scout leaders, dance teachers, karate teachers - people who see them during times when parents let their guard down and can say, 'I've never seen Dad say anything bad about Mom or Mom say anything bad about Dad,'" Stevens suggested.
- "I encourage my clients to act reasonably, assume anything they do or say could be shown to the judge - or better yet, that the judge is standing there watching," said Stevens. "I don't know if that's great advice or I've just had good clients, but I haven't had many alienation claims alleged against my clients."
- Stevens is also careful to take cases he believes in strongly. "It's not worth it to me to deal with clients who are acting deliberately," he said. "If they're going to do that to their child's parent, I'm going to have a problem with them at some point."
Source: "Parental Alienation: The Latest Weapon in Nasty Divorces" by Amy Johnson Conner, published at Lawyers Weekly USA.
Hey,
Nice to see some people in the south recognize PAS for what it is. Now hoping NC will finally GET IT.Actually hope the courts will finally begin to recognize this as well as PAS combined with Narc. Personality Disorder. Too bad it is the children who suffer when one cannot find or afford expert testimony.
Keep up the great work.
Ben, While there are most certainly children who are alienated from a parent, there are many causes. I think the late Richard Gardner has been widely discredited. There is no parental alienation syndrome recognized by any reputable psychologists. Where you have an alienated child, the mental health professionals should determine the reason. Sometimes it is caused by a parent, but that does not a syndrome make.
Diana, thanks for your comments. I believe that the formal "diagnosis" should be left to the mental health professionals, as that is clearly their area of expertise.
However, the problems caused by "alienating" parents are all too real, as are the effects on the children involved. Suggestions for resolving those problems were the thrust of my comments in this article.
Again, thanks for comments and keep up the great work with your blog.
As someone who is and has been continually harrassed by a malicious ex, who most definately suffers from Divorced Related Malicious Mother Syndrome, with symptoms of MSP, I see the problems of Parental Alienation first hand. It is all too real, and it is one of the most severe forms of child abuse. The malicious ex will stop at no boundry to cause harm and emotional distress towards his/her ex spouse, including leading the children to commit acts of violence and deliquincy.
In my case, the abuse has happened in plain view, and is very easy to prove. But, just because you can prove the abuse is occuring, the alienated individual has very little recourse with the exception being a tort of Intentional Infliction To Cause Emotional Distress, or a very hard to file Rule TO Show Cause if there is a previous order. Unfortunately, the alienating spouse sometimes has nothing to lose by poisoning his/her childrens minds. As a result, the children in cases of parental alientation grow up with a maladjusted view of society, and thus are in danger of further pychological ailiments, legal problems, and the aspect of becoming alienators themselves.
In my view, the law should provide much greater discipline towards alienating parents, and much greater recourses towards victims. Also, since parental alienation is a severe form of child abuse, it should be treated as such on a criminal status.
Furthermore, if anyone can help in a case where proof is blatently evident, and children are openingly being cotributed towards commiting deliquent acts , please contact me.
Parental alienation should be punishable by imprisonment until such a time as the minor reaches age of maturity, and responsible parties should be included in state child abuse registries.
The reasons I feel this should be are:
1. The parent responsible can not be trusted to obey court order in regards to the child/rens best interest, meaning normal court imposed disciplines do not and will not work to protect the child/ren.
2. The parental alienator is a child abuser, and should be treated as such.
3. The abuse is further complicated by the parental alienators contribution to the deliquency of a minor or minors.
4. The parental alienation syndrome has long lasting effects that last well into adulthood of minors, as such, it is a long lasting crime similar to rape in it's devastation, and in some ways worse as the syndrome starts a behavior loop lasting generations.
5. The parental devastation is not an attack on one person or child. The attack affects multiple victims. IE. The children, the workplace of the victim, the friends of the family, the economic wellbeing of the family, and the overall stability of the family and all involved.
Great comments by GOTROOTDUDE. There is plenty of debate that this is Parental Alientation Syndrome or not. Diane pointed this out eliquently.
Really, this comes down to a much simpler definition that is easy to understand. If a father or a mother was to do something harmful to a child, physically, mentally or sexually it would be called one thing. Child Abuse. Is it any different when someone works towards harming a child by removing a loving and caring parent from their life. Does it matter if its a man or a woman. To destroy the parent-child relationship, which without question has been proven to cause lifelong scars is child abuse. To hit a child and leave a mark is child abuse. Yet, the most tramatic thing is the emotional abuse that goes with it. IT pales in comparison to a child having a loving parent pried from their life do to the sick actions of a parent.
Lets get real here, call it what it is. It's deserved.
My 3-1/2 year old grandson saw his father drag his mother out of there truck. His Dad was arrested for domestic violence as a result (1st time reported abuse, but 3rd time physical abuse). He was traumatized and has PTS symptoms. He is allowed supervised visits with his Dad with his other grandparents as supervising party. However, they have allowed my grandson to be taken out of state alone with his Dad and to other places during the weekend visits. Now the child is telling us things that his Dad tells him such as his Dad said 'to tell you Mom I don't like your haircut',
'your mom stole money from me', 'daddy loves his mother but doesn't love my mommy' daddy said he was going to come back to live with me and that his mommey
had to go somewhere else to live, i want to live with my mommy, daddy said mommy was mean...etc. etc. etc. Also, my daddy said not to answer questions - which is a problem in preschool and as well as prevents my grandson from sharing important information that his mother needs to know not relating to his Dad, but to the child himself. We are lost as to how to handle this. A guardian has been appointed, but the process is too slow to try to protect the child - the other grandparents believe that my daughter 'provoked' the domestic violence and their son would never have hurt her otherwise. They are in contempt of court as far as supervised visits go, but they believe as long as they 'approved' his taking him alone, it was ok. How do we protect my grandson while allowing him to love and share time with him Dad/other grandparents and without putting the child at risk for futher abuse?
I have a teen who is refusing to visit with his dad. Mom says she cannot make him, dad says all was well until mom moved in with her BF, now her spouse. I have had the teen and dad in to hash out the differences The teen refuses to give dad a chance. dad states that mom and the step-dd are alienating the teen from him. Can a teen refuse to visit his parent? Dad has filed a motion for contempt of court against mom for her not enforcing the visitation.
I have a 12 yr old from a previous marriage (now remarried for 5 yrs) and we moved 1 yr ago to NC from CA. (With her dad's consent). He was hardly involved her life at all - maybe visited with her 22 days per year, and during those times he would take her to parties and put her and the other parent's kids in another room while they drank, and then he slept all the next day until it was time to bring her home. He also missed many weekends because of work, parties, being "sick", etc. Now, all of the sudden he got remarried and is suddenly "super dad", and the step mother has only known my daughter for 4 months, but is calling herself "mommie" because "step mom sounds too cold", and she is emailing my dd and calling her almost daily. I never had any problems with my ex, but now all of the sudden he is threatening to take us to court for custody, and telling my daughter things like, "well if I want to see you I don't need to ask your mom anymore, and from now on I won't ask her." They also tried to turn her against me while she was out for the summer, and talked bad about me and my husband, and spoiled her rotton to buy her loyalty, as well as tried to get her to want to come LIVE with them. I have raised my daughter all these years (he left me when she was a baby) and now all the sudden he wants sole custody? I don't know what I should do. I also don't know if I am obligated to her new step mom who thinks she is her new "mommie" and they are constantly manipulating her on the phone and through emails (and in person when she visits). Also, while she was out there, they let her create a Myspace saying she was 25, and she posted all kinds of sensual, immodest pictures of her on her Myspace and told her not to tell us about any of it (but we found out anyway). Any advice would be GREAT. Thanks.
Can anyone help me? I am the maternal grandmother of 8 year old twin girls, who reside in SC with their father. They lived in NH where my daughter gave birth to them in 1999. I was very involved with the day-to-day care of these tiny babies from birth. Due to some poor choices on my daughter's part custody was granted to their father who lives in SC. My granddaughters have lived with their Dad since 2003 when they were 4 years old.
In 2005, my daughter cleaned up her life and went through counseling, got a full time job, her own apartment and this fall enrolled in college. She contacted the twins' father in summer of 2006 to re-establish a relationship with her daughters. He answered her by filing a termination of her parental rights, which was granted by the State of SC. (My daughter tried to fight this action, but decided that she did not want to put her children through more counseling with a GAL, especially when she was living such a distance - in NH.)
Consequently, the father has denied me any telephonic visits since October 2006 and no physical visits since September 2005.
I know this is a little long but there is much more I left out that is terrible. I understand this issue I having been living in it for what seems like forever.Please pardon my grammar. I have asked, I have begged, I have cried, I have almost died, but I love my daughter and my son so much. As I write this tears flow from my eyes as I do not understand why, how, and yet I am experiencing what has been and still is the most devastating thing which has ever happened to me in my life. My wife and I were unable to have children and because I supported mission to Ukraine in our church my business sent my wife every year and she would visit the orphanages and teach the children and I just thought that was so great. Then I said why don't we just adopt and my wife who is a paralegal started the procedure. We had to hire a (GAL)and be interview and be physically qualified also. I myself am a paraplegic and have been for 30 years. I have race wheelchairs all of over winning many evens started my own business a Telephone Company and most people cannot believe me when I tell them I am in a wheelchair, I suppose I just go and do everything even now a 49 I am in excellent condition. My doctors have always asked me how I just tell the good Lord. Regardless I have live alone many times and had room mates and unfortunately been married a couple of times this one did in fact last 12 years. After going through the long process we were granted permission to adopt up to two children and I was so happy my wife was too but she had never cared for children being completely responsible before and was a little nervous I believe but that was most understandable. Considering I have to deal with many people daily it was not like that for me but I told my wife that I know the chores of parenting for although not the actual father of the children of my previous marriage, My wife worked shift work and if not at work would be taking care of the children and although a child crying is stressful you learn how to take care of the needs of the child as you bond and life goes on. I just enjoyed kids and them all love wheels so we have a lot of fun. Although short I felt it necessary to give a little back ground about myself because what I am going to say is shocking yet the heartbreaking truth. My wife left our home and for 45 days I could not see my children and I only was able to speak to them a few time but my wife she listed to every word. She keep asking me for the agreement I drew up so I called her I asked her if she would pick up to look over explained this is a rough draft make any changes you like to it. I was sitting in my truck when she came to get the first draft of an agreement she called me about. We got into a verbal arumgment but it was only about the children because they wanted to see me but it did not last two minutes and she left. I did not hear anything from her for about two weeks then I am arrested for CDV I laughed because I knew one of the officers, I thought he was joking and they said it was true. I ask what when where and when they told me I did not understand and could not believe it. We have never in 12 years had any kind of violent contact and now here I am arrested for an untrue statement and charged with CDV, while sitting in my truck and I cannot just jump out and do nothing to her, really, I does take a minute or two to get a wheelchair out and she could be gone if that were the case but I just set in the touch the entire time. When I spoke with the magistrate he told me what the charge was and let me read the charge and I asked why I have not done anything and I was told a statement is all he needed. I was allowed to sign myself out on a $5000 bond and I was told not to go near her and I said I understand and he asked me where I lived and told me not to get around a women’s shelter. I said I am just going home I just wanted to understand this and just lie down. I drove up and just stared across the yard and then after 45 days my wife pulls up with two people one she words, the other her co-workers friend buy lead by two sheriff’s deputies. I am saying to myself what now? They pull up and the deputy walks to me while I am still in the car and I ask him how can I help him and he says you have to leave, I said leave why I live here period and have been here alone for the past 45 days. He again says you have to leave or I will arrest you. I said I just left the jail and was told not to go near any shelters where women have been abuse or my wife so I come home to the address where I told them and it is in the papers. So now you bring her hear and tell me I have to leave. She left me and I have not seen my children and only talked to them a few times and they are not even with her and you want me to just leave and he said that is the way it is and I ask for the papers saying I must leave and he did not say anything and walks off and begins to talk with my wife and then makes a cell phone call. After about 30 minutes or so he returns to my car window say he spoke with the magistrate and he said I should go and I said no and he was going to arrest me again. I say you are wrong this is wrong I have no clothes anything, I have nowhere to go, and he tells me to call him later a he will see what he can do and gave me his phone number and told me to leave immediately and so I did. I was in shock I did not know what to do that was the first time in my life I have been thrown from my home and I lost complete sense of direction. I sleep in my car my office. I was completely lost I had no medical supplies which I needed, at that time I lost my mind really I could not thing I had nothing. These living conditions ended up causing me to develop several sores on my body which have never experienced in my life and other medical problems. I have had to latterly cut rotten meat of my body. I finely realized I had another house, I just could not think although and when I did ask the spouseless mother and her juvenile diabetic daughter to find another place to live, I felt terrible about it because I was actually let them live there for free because I felt so bad for the litter girl. A friend finally found me and carried me to his house until the little girl and her mom moved. I will never forget coming in and there was nothing in the house not even a stove curtains nothing. I sleep on the floor for a while then I got a bed. That was all I had my brother had to fix the bathroom for me because I was in no condition to do it. Still this entire time I was not able to see my children which hurt more than anything. I finally went to court in April. That was another law breaking event and lie to me because I trusted my attorney but that following week I was able to see my children and I as they were ecstatic. This went on for about three months I would pick them up and carry them back to the designated place. Then all of a sudden everything ended and there is no legal reason or papers saying so yet if I try to get near them I am threatened to be arrested and when I asked why there is no reason. I can prove everything I say and also know every law that has been broken because I have had no choice but to read and study ever law both state and federal. I have sited US Supreme Court Rulings like mine and am preparing to go it alone I am not giving up on my children my mom still is allowed by my wife to speak to them and they have begged her to come take them to see me no, why, why, why? I do know the laws but I am no attorney and was told I should get an attorney that no’s the local judges, why is that, do we have different laws in different counties? I do not understand why do you need to know the judge the law is the law or is it? I am so confused yet can find no one to help me. I have broken no law other than I was late on the house payment but times have been tough for me until now I have start back at my company and things are looking better for it although every piece of property I have is fixing to be in foreclosure and why because I have been just completely beaten down humiliated and destroyed but I will not give up on my children, they love me and they need me. Yet, I am hauled into court and have to plead and beg. The last time I was told if I would just not try to see my children they would not throw me in jail and I believed them and I knew in jail I could not continue to studied and that would look bad on me also. They gave no timeframe so I said ok and no one said when so as I had in the past my son called me and asked me to pick him up this was on a Friday and He does not have school on Friday so I carry him to lunch and then I pick my daughter up when she gets out of school and we go to my office where I have computers and they like to play games and stuff. On the home my then attorney calls and says I cannot keep my children and must return them to their mom or I will be placed in jail, he told me he had a court order so I knew I had no choice. My children are devastated and bust out crying begging and screaming my son falls to his knees on the ground in complete brokenness and I can do nothing but shed tears in pain and disbelief because as I knew there was no court order none was ever issued because you have to do a lot of bad things to lose your parental rights. I am not perfect, and I don’t want to be, I just want to see my children. I go to the (GAL) after this and he says they have no order so I say well then I can see my children and he says I need a court order and I say I have one why do I need another one why would a judge have say the same thing twice when no reason can be given for me not to see them? I am told not to buck the system by the (GAL) I though he was to be protecting and my rights have been taken away completely and the judge who gave the order has been made to look like he has no authority because of the Guardian, My Wife, and Her Attorney and this is looking out for my children’s best interest. My brother has talked with my son and has told me he is dying on the inside and I have no one to help me but with or without an attorney I am going to see my kids. If I lose in local court I will appeal to the appellate courts, then the supreme court, the supreme court says when then through me out of my house without warning I could have literally killed them and nothing would have happened, I never could do that yet I have read and read and there has nothing been done proper by state law but by a group of cold hearted, law breaking, attorneys. I have nothing against attorneys but I cannot find one who will stand up to these and it is all about money, what about my children, I believe I have been in front of a Judge five times and my children have never been mentioned, why? I went to Ukraine and brought them to America the land of the free and they have been treaded worst in the USA than Ukraine. I had to go myself before a judge in Ukraine to fight to get my little girl because although her mother left her in the orphanage, she had not relinquished her rights, but she did not stand a chance there because they have great doctors and medicine as we do here In what I still believe is the greatest country in the world. My baby girl was 2 years old could not stand at all, had no balance, cried most of the time, and her eyes were crossed. When I say her all alone in a room just sitting on the floor moving a small ball back and forth I went to her and I say what was the most beautiful girl in the world her dark hair and sky blue crossed eyes. I told her then I would not leave her I will stay here for as long as it takes I will not leave my little girl because she needs me, and she needs me now too as does my son, I could not bear it then, and I cannot now. But because I did fight to bring her I won and to see her now you would never know she had any issues, she is a beautiful 12 year old who begs to see her daddy, she just loves me and she knows I have always taken care of her, I have spoiled her and my son, I cannot help it. My children are devastated as is my entire family. The attorneys I have hired believe there was a court order because they only took the records I gave them. I continued to study and concluded there could not be one no judge would sign it I have done nothing wrong so went to courthouse I looked for myself, sure enough there is nothing but two court orders say the same thing I should be involved in my children’s lives, every other week and be aware of what is happing with them. Basically my children have been kidnaped and nobody will do a thing. Does anyone have guts to stand for the truth backed by the law. I cannot believe I have had to basically study to become an attorney who meant giving up everything and I did. My children mean everything to me, yes they are adopted but everyone has said and it is true my son and I are alike in some many ways we even look alike and my daughter she is like me too, she has guts and she is still skinny but she will stand for what is right as I do. Thank you and if you can help us I know you would be blessed and I could never repay you, never…I understand I say I a lot but I have interviewed numbers of women and none understand because they said and I quote “we may hate the dad but we love our children and we will not hurt them by not allowing them to be with their daddy because both boy and girl need their dad”. I must be strange but I am so glad because a lot of men give up on and lose hope when this happens and even as I do pay and am current with child support they give up but it is the hardest thing I have ever had to fight for in my life and there are agency’s begging men to be a father figure in a child’s life and I am having to beg, be harassed, intimidated, utterly destroy just trying to see mine for five minutes. I even agreed to be supervised during my visitation even though I have done nothing wrong and was told no. I have been a puppet on a string walking a tightrope. Lastly I am not guilty of a CDV my last attorney said there is no CDV just a restraining order I suppose that is why they workers at the court house will not give me a trial date and when they do it gets changed.