Spartanburg Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Stevens-MacPhail Law Firm : South Carolina Family Law Serving Columbia, Charleston, Greenville, Hilton Head Island

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In her article, The Devastation of Divorce, Trish Berg states that children of divorce suffer a myriad of losses when their parents divorce.  Ms. Berg says that it’s difficult to understand the impact divorce has on the children's lives until we examine the losses they suffer in this process.  She lists the following five main losses children experience during divorce:

1. Loss of Dad - When parents divorce, typically the dad leaves the home, and may not be present much in the lives of the children. This causes an emotional vacuum for the children, and they may feel rejected, alone, and unloved, no matter how much the single parent loves them.
2. Loss of Money – When dad leaves, so does a lot of the money. Economic resource are, at best, cut in half, at worst, single parent families live in poverty.
3. Loss of Security – Kids of divorce often move to a new, smaller home, in a new town, with a new school. They now have to visit their dad. If mom and dad then begin dating, an entirely new stress is added to their lives. Their sense of stability and security is shaken as their world has forever changed.
4. Loss of Harmony – Many kids whose parents divorce feel caught in the middle. The fighting may have stopped, but now Mom may talk negatively about dad, and dad may gripe about mom, all in front of the kids. Parents may play games with visitation, and hold the children as emotional ransom. This loss of harmony causes tremendous chaos and stress for kids.
5. Loss of Simplicity – Life for children of divorce can get very complicated. They have to schedule everything they do, and remember what weekends they are visiting dad so they don’t play in a soccer league with games then. They have to split heir holiday time - Christmas Eve with dad, Christmas morning with mom. And when life events hit, they have to worry about mom and dad being in the same place. Who will come to my eighth grade graduation? Will they see each other? Will they fight? Family life is now complex and chaotic, and that will last for the rest of their lives.

Note from Ben Stevens:  While I agree with many of Ms. Berg's points, her article presumes that the mother will have custody of the children.  Of course, as I have discussed previously on this Blog, that is not necessarily the case.  Fathers who are active in their children's lives have a good chance of getting custody, if they sincerely desire and take the proper steps to do so.

Source:  "The Devastation of Divorce" by Trish Berg, posted at Inspired Parenting.