Five Tips for Effective Co-Parenting After Divorce
Raising kids with an ex-wife or ex-husband is rarely easy, especially if your split was less than amicable. However, you don’t have to let your past affect your current actions towards your children’s other parent. Here are some tips that can help you manage a good relationship or just keep things running smoothly:
- Keep emotions in check. There may be some lingering anger, sadness and resentment among you, but your kids have already been enough. Give them the benefit of parents that work together instead of yelling, fighting and name-calling.
- Think about the kids. At the end of the day, your children are what really matter, not your own personal feelings towards your former spouse. No matter what kind of disputes come up – from where to spend holidays to disputes over money – put aside what you want or need and take the time to consider your children’s desires and best interests.
- Communicate. It will be very difficult for either of you to be effective parents if you do not communicate information to one another. Whether it’s sharing news about school events or updates on your child’s health, make sure you share all important information with the other parent.
- Be businesslike. You are no longer married, but you still have to interact with your ex for the sake of your kids. It can sometimes be helpful to stop thinking about your relationship in personal terms and start thinking about it in more professional ones, seeing your ex as a partner in the business of raising happy, healthy children.
- Don’t badmouth. You have little to gain and a lot to lose when you choose to say hurtful things about your ex in front of your children. Your children may be well aware of the reasons why you and your former spouse do not get along, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep dragging them out. Even if you no longer love your ex, your children still do, and they deserve an environment that doesn’t attempt to manipulate or deride those feelings.
Relationships between former spouses are hardly ever without their trials and tribulations, but if you stick to focusing on your kids and doing your best to give them all the opportunities and assurances they need, you’ll be much better off than being in a relationship that’s mired in conflict and animosity.
This Guest Post was written by Kathleen Baker, who writes about ultrasound tech schools. She welcomes your feedback at KathleenBaker3212@gmail.com.
Just finished a contested custody case yesterday. In essence, the above post could be summarized in "just be nicer". No court order can mandate that you do so but it is probably the most valuable admonition the court could offer - far more helpful than spelling out exact times when kids should be picked up and dropped off on Christmas Day.
Great tips. I often see our clients lose sight of common sense as a result of the emotion laden process of divorce.
Divorce is starting to become the talk of the crowd nowadays. For me, I am not against it because if the couple know for a fact that their relationship is getting nowhere, it will be beneficial to both sides that they should part ways. But, if kids are involved, a little care must be taken into consideration. Like for example, giving your kids planners/organizers (like this one that I recommend from co-parenting-manager - http://4help.to/children) as it is one helpful tool to help your kids deal with the situation.