Is Cheating Ever Justified or Deserved?
I was in a settlement conference recently in which the husband's attorney tried to argue that his client's adultery "was really o.k " because my client had suffered from depression and therefore wasn't a great wife. Of course, I pointed out that was baloney and reminded him of the actual defenses to adultery. However, his argument begged the question of whether cheating is ever justified or deserved.
CNN.com recently published an article on this very subject, citing to such well-publicized adultery allegations as those against John Edwards and Jon Gosselin. At the time that article was published, news of South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford's affair had not yet broken.
The article questions whether the conduct rendered by "bad spouses" justify the "innocent spouse" seeking romantic companionship elsewhere. It concludes "cheating isn't right, but neither is emotional abuse and neglect." What do you think -- is cheating ever justified? Submit your comments below.
Source: "Is Cheating Ever Deserved?" by Wendy Alterberry, published at CNN.com.
Although one could use the EXCUSE "my partner was depressed, so I committed adultery" is just a miserable excuse to try and justify ones action. A cheap one at that. But the courts are full of non law abiding individuals offering all kinds of excuses for their unjustifiable actions. No, I do not think that the excuse is a valid excuse. There is no valid excuse for Adultery. Having said this, it leads to other points and questions.
1. Did the cheating spouse cause the depression during the marriage?
2. Did the cheating spouse take any action to try and help the depressed partner?
3. Is there a valid medical explanation for the depression, i.e. Post Partum Depression?
4. If it was a male, was the male suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome?
5. Did the depression result in a total disregard for or of the cheated spouse?
6. Did the person alleging the faults of the “depressed person” attempt to help solve the problem or problems, or just ignore the depressed person and now conveniently bring it up during the divorce proceeding. Might as well say “the devil made me do it”, I could believe that one.
We all know you can kick a dog, the dog will go lie down, retreat in what I would describe as a sense of sadness. Then we can call the dog’s name, he will come to us wagging his tail awaiting affection and being totally oblivious to his master’s previous actions. Human beings are not dogs, you cannot expect verbal or physical abusive actions (which may or may not be the cause for the depression) to change the mind of the depressed person. It only worsens the situation. Kind of like throwing water on a grease fire.
To take it step further, the bible defines Adultery as an act against God, a sin; it is also a terrible act against the victim and other family members especially the children etc. Not to mention the violation of any State Law. I am not aware of any mention of “depression” as being a sin against God, or a violation of a State Law.
Seems I also recall in the marriage vow, “to honor and obey in sickness and in health”.
Finally, depression in my opinion is an involuntary medical illness, Adultery is a voluntary act which requires a “specific intent”.
There is no excuse for Adultery and Adultery is not a medicinal treatment to relieve one of his or her problem, it only worsens the problem. Personally I would consider it an act of aggression against the person that is depressed. Want to solve the problem, try and work with your partner, acknowledge the depression, then see if you are part of the problem and go to work on that. If that does not work, file for your divorce and leave it behind you, and live within the laws of society. If there are children in the marriage, when it comes time to explain to them why Daddy and Mother are not together, it will be easier to explain your partners “suffering from depression” than your “adulterous act”. Or, would you really be man or woman enough to tell it like it was.