Empowering Parents :: Part One
I am pleased to bring you the exclusive online presentation of "Empowering Parents" by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, LMFT. I will publish this seven part series over the next several Wednesdays, and I hope that it is helpful to you. I want to thank Dr. Kuhne for allowing me to once again present his series to you on my blog. Here is Part One:
I cannot tell you how many times I meet with parents who are struggling with the management of their children. Whether young, middle, or teen-aged, it seems as if in today’s family the child has more authority and power in the daily life of the family than the parents do. There are a number of factors which contribute to this phenomenon:
- One is the ongoing development of technology and communications. Kids are connected in a way their parents were/are not and with connection comes empowerment.
- Secondly, with both parents working, the kids are given more authority at younger ages to care for themselves.
- A third and common reason is that parents assume that children have what they need academically, socially, spiritually, and psychologically and thus do not provide adequately for their children’s needs in these areas.
- A fourth reason is that parents lose scope of their roles as parents and become disengaged to their responsibilities to age 18 and beyond.
- Additionally, it appears that in the competitive struggle for authority that the children are winning!
In the 21st century it is more difficult to be an engaged, intentional, role defined parent than in just about any other time in history. There are more competitions to children today than in the past. Technology and communications have brought the world to the very fingertips of your children. Cell phones, text-messaging, email, online video gaming, MySpace, Facebook, YouTube, and chat rooms have replaced the CB and Ham radios that once kept us connected just a few short years ago. Communication is more intense, personal, and intimate that it has ever been and at the same time it is also vulgar, rude, shallow, and fantastical – it has lost meaning and purpose in the midst of a society that craves relationship.
As parents, you are well aware that there is no manual or book that spells out in detail the how- to’s of good parenting. The Bible does properly inform us but it, too, is not a step by step manual. Our only models were our parents (if they were good parents) and perhaps those we watched around us in our families. It is difficult to be a really good parent today. You need more support, more encouragement, and more resources in order to do your calling with efficacy, provision, and joy. It is supposed to be fun and it is supposed to be fulfilling and yet many parents just want to either upgrade their children to version 2.0 or quit. Unfortunately, many do just that. Divorces are at an all time high, some due in part because parents let their children’s needs overtake the needs of the marital relationship.
In this new series, I will address a few of the issues I have commonly seen in my practice in working with families struggling to regain a sense of operational management of the family system. If you have any ideas or struggles you want to share I would welcome them. Send them to: pathwayspc@aol.com and as always, I welcome your feedback.
Grace and Peace,
Dr. Trey Kuhne
Dr. Trey Kuhne is a pastoral counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist with Pathways Pastoral Counseling located at St. Christopher’s Episcopal Church, 400 Dupre Drive, Spartanburg, SC 29307. He specializes in working with individuals, couples and families. Call (864) 542-3019 for an appointment. He may be reach via email at: pathwayspc@aol.com.
