Helping Children Deal with Family Changes during the Holiday Season
The following article was published a couple of years ago by Karen Armstrong, a human development extension agent with North Dakota State University, and it contains several great suggestions to help children deal with family changes during the holiday season:
The holiday season can be stressful enough on its own. Families who have changed the make up of their household because of divorce or marriage since last year have some new challenges.
If this describes your family, watch your children for signs of stress this season. Often times the shopping and decorating is too much for them. Encourage your children to talk about what they are feeling and keep those lines of communication open so they can approach you when they need to. Because of the holidays, you may feel that you and your children are supposed to be happy, but allow time to deal with the adjustments. For example, it's normal and healthy for children to miss the other parent; acknowledge their feelings and let them know it's okay.
Financial strains become a reality to most families during this time. Communicate with your children's other parent about the gifts that will be purchased. Consider agreeing on a price limit for each parent. This will eliminate the temptation to "out do" the other parent and feeling the need to overcompensate.
Only in special circumstances is it recommended that children be split up at the holidays. They will already be missing the other parent, to miss a sibling will only add to the uncertainty about their new life. Evaluate this situation very carefully. Plan ahead of time how holidays are to be spent. Make a point to schedule time with each parent during the holiday season. For parents who feel comfortable sharing the holiday, this can be a good plan if possible. However, be cautious about the time you spend together, especially if the divorce was recent. This can be confusing to the child who is hoping for reconciliation.
If your home has changed because of marriage and you have created a blended family, there are also ways to make your holidays smoother. Choose to continue some special traditions that you had before and some that your new spouse had before your marriage. Changing the entire routine often creates an atmosphere of anger and resentment toward the stepparent. Encourage everyone to share the significance of the tradition so no one feels left out. Decide to create some new, inexpensive traditions that will be easy to carry out every year. The parent who will not be with the children at the holidays has certain responsibilities. Make plans to spend time with friends, family or volunteering. The children will feel anxious about your feelings. They will need reassurance that you will not be lonely.
If you have accepted the responsibility of parenting solo, don't focus on the absent parent at this time. You may not have planned for the holidays to be the way they are, but you can make the most of it. Communities often have groups for single parents that provide activities during the holidays.
When the holidays are over you may feel exhausted, let down, even depressed. It is typical to believe you feel this way because the holidays were disappointing to your family or kids. If that's the case, think about what could be done differently in the future. Also remember that this may be your body's way of telling you to take some time for yourself now and relax.
Source: "Helping Children with Family Change during the Holiday Season" by Karen Armstrong, a human development extension agent with North Dakota State University.
