Custody Battle: Dad’s Story – A new generation of fathers is fighting for custody – and a fair shake in court:
“Yes, but who’s going to cook them dinner?” When Ben Oshman got that question from a judge hearing his request for custody of his three kids, he was furious. Because whatever new challenges moms have these days, when it comes to custody, things haven’t changed much for dads—especially the gender-based stereotypes that render them the second most important parent.
But now, dads are fighting back, demanding custody where custody’s due. Their motivation is simple: “I wanted to have kids. I wanted to have the family,” says Oshman, who ended up getting joint custody of his three girls. To him, divorce “didn’t mean I should have to give up my family.”
A groundswell of support is rising up for dads seeking custody, as evidenced by the increasing number of groups like dads rights (dadsrights.org), Custody Warriors, and dadsdivorce.com. “Fathers increasingly want to be more deeply involved with their children”—a desire that doesn’t disappear after divorce, says Danny Guspie, executive director of Fathers resources international, a group that advises divorced dads. “When you see some dads have success, it encourages others.”
Thirty years ago, dads never litigated for custody, says Jeffery M. Leving, a Chicago lawyer at the forefront of the fathers’ rights movement. “Men didn’t place fatherhood at the top of their priorities. Now, if they face a divorce, their children are their main priority, and they will fight to avoid being kicked to the curb.”
Bottom line: dads say they’ve become better parents, so they deserve a better chance. “They’re demanding more fairness,” says Leving, “and sometimes they’re getting it.”
Philip Lerman is the author of Dadditude: How a Real Man Became a Real Dad.
Source: "Custody Battle: Dad’s Story" by Philip Lerman, published at Working Mother magazine.
9 Responses to Father’s Rights in Child Custody Cases
Thank you for this Article. Fathers’ right to be a meaningful part of their childrens’ lives, have been eroded to the point of non-existence. My research suggests that this is a phenomenon consistent throughout the industrialized nations. Children who are alienated from their fathers are more likely later in life to have emotional/behavioral problems, suffer from depression, drop out of school, fail in their jobs, and suffer from other social problems. I invite you to visit my site devoted to raising awareness on this growing problem: http://fathersprivilege.blogspot.com/
Good afternoon
I am involved in a very ugly and totally unfair custody battle. We are at the point where my own lawyer, ex wife and the “mediator” are telling me that co-parenting is NOT an option. I have been the primary caregiver to my now 4 year old little girl since birth. I was accused of assault and arrested, spent thousands proving my innocence only to find that is how she got me removed from the house. Her ex husband had the same experience with her. I desperately need to find a way to keep being a father to my daughter.
Father would like family courts to stop playing politics with their children by placing, as many obsticles as possible, in front of them. Starting with gender bias (against men). Fathers would like
the romval of practices and procedures that favor
mother. Child custody is just one. This is staistically evident and is the reputation of family
courts throughout the US which has transended generations. In violation of “Equal Protection Under the Law”.
I have a deep question I have a 5 year old child who now resides in Minnesota with her mother I want summer visitations but the mother refuses to give me any parental rights even though I am paying child support I have been charge with 1 account of misdemeanor domestic abuse to the mother of my child and one pending with that being said I now live in south carolina and have a warrant in Minnesota for the second charge of Misdemeanor domestic abuse to the mother of my child for failure to appear in court so I guess what I am asking is what will be holding me back from getting custody of my child for summer visitations?
My husband has 3 children and his ex wife is never with the children they are always being picked up from school from a family member as well as dropped off. When an incident happens we are the last to know. He already missed his little boys kindergarden graduation due to the fact that she failed to inform him. We recently found out His youngest daughter had asthma and was taken to the hospital which we could have driven there to be with her but she also failed to advise us of any of it. He has to find out what is going on with school stuff by their own child. She makes them call him. We want custody of the 3 children but he keeps getting the run around and SC is not much help to Fathers that are doing good for their children. She has the oldest daughter taking care of the 2 younger ones for her while she attends school and gets home at 9pm…Can anyone help?
I am the face of the modern immigration issue!
I am from the UK, I married an Americam woman and have been trying to get fully legal for many years but my wife has used my status and a tool against me.
I am whats called “out of status” & my wife refuses to help me get fully legal.
I have been a stay at home dad to my son & daugher for the past 10 years. My wife has a good paying job but is away from the home for 40+ weeks of the year. I run a small farm but am limited by diabetes. My wife left 2 weeks ago and took the children & is trying to get me deported because it would be quicker than going thru a divorce. I want to stay here in the USA and raise my children. My wife is doing everything she & her friends can do to ruin my life & health. How & who can I turn to for help with my immagration? And how will the courts treat me in a divorce battle for custody?
My husband and I have a serious situation going on…He has 2 sons with his ex-wife, his 7yr old was placed in our custody in May and his 4yr old was placed in our custody just last week. DSS is involved, the ex has several cases of neglect, not having a stable home and putting them in a dangerous situation(having them around her boyfriend who is abusive). We found out that if we do not get a lawyer and get custody of them if she proves herself to DSS she can get both the children back. We can not afford one, our budget is extremely tight we barely make it paycheck to paycheck due to bills, low income plus it is a total of 6 of us in our little family. We always make sure that all children are taken care of first and foremost. I have already been told that it is better to have an attorney for this process because the paperwork alone is very hard. Plus his ex is out of this world (ex. she don’t work because she is lazy the jobs she has had she has quit in just a few days of working, she is pregnant with the boyfriends baby and instead of going to work she went clubing so she lost that job, she was suppose to get the oldest for her visit but instead she dropped him off with the grand parents, only wanted custody to begin with so my husband could keep her up by paying child support etc.) TOO MUCH TO EXPLAIN OR GIVE EXAMPLES. I have heard about legal aid but we make too much even though we are a family of 6, have bills to pay, take care of them, get no amount of support from her because it has not been court ordered. Please give us advice and if possible point us in the right direction. Thanks
Got married. Wife quit marriage day 1 10:00 am. No prior argument. Said she made mistake. her 3rd my 1st. Child born prior to marriage. Tried to make family..but waited two years as given ultimatum to quit job if I hoped to be a father and come rear child, did so. Married two years later. Wife refused to be married, made me responsible for all bills, “payed” off her home, & her bills, . She refused to work or drive. I was self maint, cook clean everything. Child educator. Endured screams and threats to “make the government make me give her “her” money”.
All in my state. Left state with child under ruse of helping her daughter move. Didn’t return. Deserted Household.
Applied DSS. Got support. Despite I was giving Support, despite many hardships and unemployment.
no access to child. just support. Left with all bills. restoring basic heat/ air and repairs to support visitation. When broke, no probono. DSS refused to pay old bills, new SC DSS also. Hospital bills Stuck to me from her taking him “out of state”.
Need lawyer, limited time and resources, haven’t been with son since 2009. Small town click.
with coaching from friends & a legal aide. Her adult children still don’t speak to their father. Lives with adult son and added income. No mortgage, gets free representation. While my sons future is being spent on clothes and cosmetics and body shapers.
When I speak to “any women in the system so far ” they ignore me and laugh and side with her and ignore the circumstances. I am being treated as accused despite I “stepped up” , was always there, sacrificed always in favor of family and measurably supported everthing. with no benefit of marriage whatsoever. I slept on the floor “3 years+” and was self maintenance, to be able to work and support them. What about “measurable” Justice? and people who know how to use the law.
im in need of a fathers right lawyer that is willing to work hard and dig up dirt i have been the main caregiver of my 4 year old daugther the mother shows up to take her when she wants to be a mother it can be weeks most of the time months before the mother shows up we were not married so she can do this please help me find a great lawyer please and thanks you