Tips to Help Children Adjust to Divorce and Having Two Places to Live
The following guest post is from Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC, author of "From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman's Journey through Divorce":
As a psychotherapist specializing in helping families through divorce, I offer these specific thoughts with regard to helping children adjust to divorce and having two places to live.
- The younger the child, they more they need frequent contact with each parent. A teenager can go four-five days without seeing the other parent, while a two year old flourishes with more frequent, even daily visits. They can be short-an hour is fine.
- Siblings should not be split but rather "attend" visitation together. In this time of upheaval, they offer each other consistency and support.
- Parents should not use the "hand off time" as an opportunity to fight or discuss any elements of the divorce. Keep your conversation cordial and polite.
- Children need some down time before the transition-quiet playing gives then a chance to prepare themselves for the emotional and practical shift. Just as time before leaving for school should be drama-free, so should the time before visitation.
- Let the children know the schedule. With small children you can get them a calendar and mark with a red M the times with Mom and a blue D the times with Dad. Aside from teaching children about calendars, dates and times, it also gives them a sense of control.
- Stick to visitation schedule as much as possible. ALWAYS be prompt for pick up and drop off. Tardiness creates anxiety in children.
- Recognize the schedule will evolve over time as your children's needs change.
©2005/2010. Donna F. Ferber, LPC, LADC is a licensed psychotherapist in Connecticut. Her first book, From Ex-Wife to Exceptional Life: A Woman's Journey through Divorce won an Honorable Mention Award by the Independent Publishers Association. To read more about the author and her work, please visit www.donnaferber.com.
