Couples Communication Workshop Scheduled in Spartanburg, SC

If you want to improve your communication with your significant other, you might be interested in an upcoming communication workshop that will be conducted here in Spartanburg by Julie Thompson of Roots and Wings Workshops and Coaching, Inc. on November 7-8, 2008.

The PAIRS® Essentials workshop is described as follows:

This fun, interactive workshop introduces married couples of all ages to PAIRS® skill-based relationship education. In a relaxed classroom setting, a brief lecture is presented on a variety of marriage topics, followed by practical, usable skills to enhance communication. This is followed by "couple time" where partners get to practice new skills under the guidance of the instructor.

All exercises are voluntary, and no one ever has to speak in front of a group unless they choose to share.  Couples will learn how to turn conflict into connection, listen with empathy, confide safely, complain lovingly, and keep a sense of humor.

This workshop will be held in the Library/Conference Room at St. Matthew's Episcopal Church from 6:30 - 9:30 p.m. on Friday, November 7th, and 9 a.m. - 12 p.m. on Saturday, November 8th.  The cost is only $100 per couple, which includes tuition, snacks, and all printed materials.  If you want more information or to register, click HERE.

100 Tips and Resources to Help You Through a Divorce

If you are facing a separation or divorce, you should read the article by Christina Laun, which contains 100 tips and resources.  Some of her tips are listed below, along with a listing of the other categories covered in this excellent article.

  1. Accept that it’s over. Your divorce may have come as a surprise and you may not be the one that wants the split, but hanging on to a relationship where one partner isn’t committed is just going to make you more miserable in the long run. Start learning to accept that your marriage is over and thinking about your life after the split.
  2. Set realistic goals. Like with any breakup, it’s going to take time to get over your divorce. Set personal goals for yourself that are both challenging and realistic to help you get back on track.
  3. Get to know the laws of your state. Depending on the state you’re in, what you’re entitled to after a divorce can vary widely. Read up on divorce law in your state to find out what you’ll be facing in court.
  4. Protect your assets. You may think it can’t happen to you, but some spouses have drained joint accounts, racked up huge expenses and more when they know divorce is on the horizon. As soon as you can, dissolve joint accounts, resolve life insurance policies and make sure other valuables are in a secure, third-party location until the divorce is over.
  5. Be open and honest with your children. If you have children, be honest with them about what is going on. Avoid laying blame and talking bad about your spouse, however, as this will only serve to confuse and hurt children.
  6. Keep it civil. You may be fighting mad at your spouse but screaming at them and being unnecessarily mean won’t make you feel any better. Keep things as calm and as civil as you can.
  7. Be reasonable. Marriage is all about compromise and so is divorce. Be reasonable in what you expect to take away from it so neither of you end up with additional animosity towards one another.
  8. Seek out support. Going through a divorce can be rough and you’ll likely need the support of friends and family to get through it. If you don’t feel you can talk to them, find a support group or therapist where you can vent.
  9. Hire a lawyer you trust. Getting a good lawyer is essential to not getting taken for a ride during your divorce. Try to find someone that your friends and family can recommend or whom you feel comfortable with.
  10. Don’t settle for less than you’re entitled to. It may be tempted to cut negotiations short just to get things over with, but taking less that you deserve will hurt you in the long run. Keep negotiations calm and collected and follow through to the end.
  11. Avoid forcing children to choose sides. No matter who is at fault for the divorce, children are going to love and want to be with both parents. Don’t force children to choose sides or use them to pass on hurtful messages to your spouse.
  12. Keep yourself healthy and rested. With all the stress from a divorce it can be hard to make time to eat right, get enough sleep, and generally take are of yourself. You aren’t doing yourself any favors by doing this, however, so set the time aside to tend to your own needs.
  13. Don’t say or do anything you don’t want to show up in court. You may have a lot of choice words for your spouse, but during a divorce it’s probably better to keep them to yourself. You never know what may be used against you in court.

Helpful Websites

Blogs

Support Groups and Forums

Must Read Articles

Divorce and Kids

Finances

Legal Resources

Source:  "Healthy Separation: 100 Tips and Resources to Get You Through a Divorce" by Christina Laun, published at The Love Coach.  Thanks also to Jason C. Brown of the Minnesota Divorce & Family Law Blog for his post about this article.

Pro Bono Resources from the South Carolina Bar

What does Pro Bono mean?
Many South Carolina lawyers offer their services for free (pro bono) to clients who cannot afford to pay for help with civil legal matters. These matters include family, housing, bankruptcy or probate matters.

How do I qualify for pro bono assistance?
You must meet federally established poverty guidelines. To find out if you qualify, contact the Legal Aid Telephone Intake Service (LATIS) at (888) 346-5592. If you qualify, the South Carolina Bar Pro Bono Program will refer you to a lawyer. The Bar's Pro Bono Program is funded primarily through the South Carolina Bar Foundation and private Lawyers.

How long will it take the Pro Bono Program to find a lawyer?
This depends on the number of volunteer lawyers available in the county where the case will be heard and what the cases involves. It may take up to four weeks to find the right volunteer lawyer to take your case.

What if I am served with legal papers?
The Pro Bono Program is rarely able to accommodate emergency requests for a lawyer. However, if you are served with legal papers after the Pro Bono Program has received or completed your intake but before you have been referred to a lawyer, call the Pro Bono office immediately. If you are served with papers after a lawyer has taken your case, call the lawyer's office immediately.

How do I know when a lawyer has taken my case?
You will receive a letter from the Pro Bono office that gives you the lawyer's name and telephone number. You should call your lawyer during regular business hours as soon as you receive the letter.

How much will it cost?
The volunteer lawyer will not charge a fee. However, you may be responsible for any related costs, such as filing and service charges. The opposing lawyer may ask for lawyer's fees from you, but it will be up to the judge to decide if you should pay.

What if my income increases?
If your income increases after your first interview with Legal Services or the Pro Bono Program, contact the Pro Bono office. If your income increases after your case has been referred to a lawyer, contact the lawyer.

What should I take to the interview with my lawyer?
You should take any legal papers that have been served and any other documents related to your case. It is your responsibility to provide this information to your lawyer.

What if I decide to drop my case?
If you decide to drop your case, call your lawyer. Your lawyer will contact the Pro Bono office. If you simply fail to show up for an appointment or court hearing, your case will be closed by your lawyer immediately.

What if I cannot keep an appointment with my lawyer?
You must call and cancel any appointment you cannot keep as far in advance as possible. If you fail to call, your lawyer may close your case.

What if I move or change my phone number?
If your address or phone number changes, call the Pro Bono office with the new information. Be sure to let your lawyer know also.

What if I don't have a car?
You are responsible for arranging transportation to the attorney's office and to the court.

Source:  "Pro Bono Resources" from the South Carolina Bar.

New Online Legal Resource for Children

The South Carolina Bar's Law Related Education Division has launched LawForKids.org, America's first stand alone web site dedicated to teaching children about the law.  The Site was made possible by collaboration with the Arizona Foundation for Legal Services and Education and an IOLTA grant from the SC Bar.  The specific goal of this site is educating children, their parents, communities, and schools to increase their knowledge about youth laws and to encourage law-abiding behavior.  You can visit the site by clicking HERE.

SC Family Law Blog Selected as One of The Top Family Law Blogs

I am proud to announce that this blog has been selected as one of the Top 30 Family Law Blogs, as selected by the editor of PrenuptialAgreements.org.  I believe that the blogs selected are the top ones in this field, and it is quite an honor to be listed in such esteemed company.  If you haven't already done so, you should check out "The Top Family Law Blogs."

SC Family Lawyer Speaks at Legal Investigators' Conference

The South Carolina Association of Legal Investigators (SCALI) asked me to speak yesterday at their Fall Conference, held this year in Greenville, SC.  Almost 100 investigators attended my presentation on the topic of "Effective Investigations in Child Custody Cases."

During my talk, I gave the investigators three tips to help their investigations in these types of cases:
  1. Let the clients know the following information:
    a.   What your investigative plan is for their case;
    b.   When you anticipate starting to work on their case;
    c.   When you will (and won't) be working their case; and
    d.   How much you anticipate charging for your services.
  2. Spend time with the client at the beginning to find out as much as you can about facts that existed at time child custody was last addressed by the Court.  This can be particularly helpful in custody modification cases.
  3. Review copies of the pleadings and Affidavits filed by both parties to help learn as much about each party's allegations so that you can help prove your client's allegations and disprove the opposing party's allegations.
The investigators present had great questions for me, and I appreciate their willingness to learn as much as they can to become the best investigators possible.  Thanks again to SCALI for inviting me to speak at their conference again this year.

SC Family Law Blog Featured in BlawgWorld 2007

Last week, TechnoLawyer published BlawgWorld 2007, a remarkable collection of 77 essays from some of the most influential blawgs.  I am honored to have two of my blogs, The Mac Lawyer and The South Carolina Family Law Blog, featured in this e-book.  BlawgWorld 2007 also includes the 2007 TechnoLawyer Problem/Solution Guide offers a new way for law firms to find answers to management and technology questions.  This outstanding e-book is now available for immediate download, and I urge you to click HERE (or the graphic at right) to obtain your free copy today.

SC Family Law Blog Again Featured as "Blawg of the Day"

I am honored that two of my blogs, the South Carolina Family Law Blog and The Mac Lawyer, were jointly featured as the "Blawg of the Day" on Tom Mighell's Inter Alia blog a couple of weeks ago.  This was the second that this blog has been so featured, and the first time for The Mac Lawyer.  Tom goes a great job with his blog in featuring different law related blogs each day.  Thanks again for the honor, Tom.

Glossary of Family Law Terms

The following is a glossary of terms and phrases related to divorce and the divorce process, from FindLaw:

Alimony.  Financial payments made to help support a spouse or former spouse during separation or following divorce.  Also called spousal support or spousal maintenance.

Alternative dispute resolution (ADR).  Methods of resolving legal disputes without going to trial, in a less adversarial manner, such as through arbitration or mediation.

Arrearage.  The amount of money that is past due for child or spousal support.

Child support.  Money that a non-custodial parent pays to the custodial parent for their child(ren)'s support.

Child support guidelines.  Guidelines established by statute or rule in each jurisdiction that set forth the manner in which child support must be calculated, generally based on the income of the parents and the needs of the children.

Custody.
  Having rights to your child.  Custody can be either legal, which means that you have the right to make important decisions about your child's welfare, or physical, which means that the child lives with and is raised by you.

Decree.  The court's written order or decision finalizing the divorce, often issued in conjunction with the court's judgment.

Default.  Failing to answer a petition or complaint for divorce.  Failing to file an answer or appear in court as required can result in the court awarding everything requested by the filing spouse.

Defendant. 
The person against whom legal papers are filed, also sometimes referred to as the respondent.

Deposition.
  Part of the discovery or information-exchanging process of a legal proceeding, in which the attorney for the other party asks you questions, you answer with your attorney present, and a transcript of the proceedings is prepared.

Discovery.  The information-exchanging process of a legal proceeding, including serving and answering interrogatories and requests for production of documents, and taking depositions.

Dissolution.  Another word for divorce, which is the legal termination of a marriage relationship.

Divorce.  The legal termination of a marriage relationship.

Domestic violence.  Physical abuse or threats of abuse occurring between members of the same household.

Equitable distribution. 
A division of property that is fair in view of all of the circumstances.  Equitable does not necessarily mean equal.

Interrogatories.  Written questions served by the opposing party that must be answered in writing as part of the discovery process.

Joint legal custody. 
The sharing, by both parents, of the right to make important decisions about a child's welfare.

Joint physical custody.  The sharing, by both parents, of the actual physical care and custody of a child.

Legal custody. 
The right to make important decisions about the raising of your child, on issues such as health care, religious upbringing, education, etc.

Marital property.
  Generally, all property acquired during the marriage.

Mediation.  A form of alternative dispute resolution (ADR) for resolving legal disputes without going to trial, by the use of a trained and impartial third party who attempts to bring the parties together in mutual agreement.

Non-custodial parent.
  The parent who does not have physical custody of the child(ren).

Non-marital property.  Generally, property owned by either spouse prior to marriage or acquired by them individually, such as by gift or inheritance, during the marriage.

Physical custody. 
The day-to-day rights and responsibilities associated with having your child in your home and being responsible for his or her care and upbringing.

Petitioner.  Often, the person who initiates divorce or marriage dissolution proceedings, also called the plaintiff.

Plaintiff.  The person who initiates legal proceedings, often called the petitioner in family law matters.

Premarital agreement.  An agreement entered into before marriage that sets forth each party's rights and responsibilities should the marriage terminate by death or divorce.  Also called a prenuptial agreement.

Prenuptial agreement. 
An agreement entered into before marriage that sets forth each party's rights and responsibilities should the marriage terminate by death or divorce.  Also called a premarital agreement.

Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO).  Pronounced "kwah-dro," an order issued by the court to divide retirement benefits.

Respondent.  The person who answers a petition in a legal proceeding, sometimes also referred to as the defendant.

Restraining order.  An order issued by the court requiring the subject of the order to refrain from doing something, often issued in conjunction with domestic violence or custody disputes.

Settlement conference.  A meeting at which the parties and their lawyers attempt to settle the case before trial, often ordered by the court.

Split custody. 
A form of custody (generally not looked upon favorably) in which some or one of the parties' children is/are in the custody of one parent and the remaining child(ren) is/are in the custody of the other parent.

Spousal support or maintenance.  Financial payments made to help support a spouse or former spouse during separation or following divorce.  Also called alimony.

Stipulation.  An agreement entered into by the divorcing spouses that settles the issues between them and is often entered into the court's final order or judgment and decree.

Visitation.  The time that a noncustodial parent spends with his or her child(ren).

Source: "Divorce Glossary" published at FindLaw.  Thanks to Stephen M. Worrall of the Georgia Family Law Blog for his post on this subject.

SC Family Law Blog Featured as "Blawg of the Day"

I am honored that the South Carolina Family Law Blog was featured as the "Blawg of the Day" on Tom Mighell's Inter Alia blog.  If you're not familiar with Tom's blog, it features a different legal related blog each day, and it has featured many excellent blogs over the years.  Thanks for the honor, Tom, and keep up the great work.

South Carolina Youth Law Site

The South Carolina Bar has joined LawForKids.org, an interactive Web site designed to educate youth about the law. The site allows kids to join cartoon characters Kirk and Marco on their legal adventures, play fun games to learn about the law, and explore documents like the U.S. Constitution and Bill of Rights.

To access the site:
  1. Go to www.lawforkids.org;
  2. Click on the “change states” link on the upper right hand corner; and
  3. Select South Carolina from the map.

Consumer Reports Retracts Article on "Failed" Car Seats

From a post on my South Carolina Personal Injury Law blog:

As I previously posted, Consumer Reports magazine reported two weeks ago that many infant car seats were reported to have failed side-impact crash tests.  However, Consumer Reports has now retracted the article after receiving data from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, who reported the seats appeared to do well at the correct impact speed. In its tests, Consumer Reports simulated impacts at more than 70 miles an hour when they were supposed to simulate an impact at 38 miles an hour.  Consumer Reports claims at its website that its report is withdrawn pending further tests of the performance of those seats in side-impact collisions.

Source:  "Consumer Reports Retracts Article on Car Seats" by Matthew L. Wald, published in The New York Times.


Infant Car Seats Perform Poorly in Tests

Consumer Reports magazine reports that car seats for infants often fail to withstand broadside impact. Manufacturers are only required to test baby seats in head-on collisions, but the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration said they are working on developing their own broadside crash tests. Out of the 12 models tested, 10 of them failed the broadside crash test.  You can read the full article of the NY Times article by clicking HERE or the detailed Safety Alert at Consumer Reports by clicking HERE.

Source:  "Car Seats for Infants Often Fail in Broadside Crashes, Tests Find" by Matthew L. Wald, published in The New York Times.

Family Safety Resources Available Online

During the holidays, children are the central focus for many of us, so now is a good time to think about Internet safety. To educate yourself on both the dangers that exist online and safety precautions to take, visit:
For in-depth guidance on ensuring the safety of your child’s online experience, visit the following sites:
Source:  "Family Safety Online" published in the South Carolina Bar's E-Blast, volume 409

SC Family Law Blog Named "Smart Stop on the Web" by American Institute of Certified Public Accountants

Journal of Accountancy, December 2006 editionThe American Institute of Certified Public Accountants (AICPA) has listed the South Carolina Family Law Blog as one of its "Smart Stops on the Web" in its December 2006 Journal of Accountancy.  This article had the following kind words about my blog:
For clients contemplating marriage, this family law blog has financial advice on asset protection, joint bank accounts and retirement benefits.  Of, if they're going through a breakup, get guidance on finding hidden assets, equitably dividing assets and debts, and keeping jointly owned businesses running.  There's even financial advice for couples who remarry.
I sincerely appreciate this fantastic, but unexpected honor from the AICPA.  You may want to check out these other fine web resources referenced in their article:

New Legal Blog Search Engine

As posted yesterday on my other blog, The Mac Lawyer:

Legal information powerhouse, Justia, has introduced BlawgSearch, a combination legal blog search engine and directory. The directory is organized by category/topic, state, and country. I am pleased to have both of my blogs, The Mac Lawyer and South Carolina Family Law Blog, included in their directory. If you are interested in an effective legal blog search engine or a directory, check out BlawgSearch.

Free Printable Planning Forms Available Online

Families often need help getting themselves organized.  Perhaps they need to schedule things such as activities for the children, visitation for non-custodial parents, or simply upcoming birthdays and holidays.  OrganizedHome.com has an excellent selection of forms that you can download and print to help keep yourself and your family better organized.  These forms include the following:
Source:  "Printable Planning Forms" published at LifeHacker.com.

Local Program Offers Help for Divorcing Parents

You are probably not surprised to hear that divorcing parents often do things that negatively affect their children.  Use the children to manipulate or control their spouse?  Sure.  Put the children directly in the middle of a nasty, contested case instead of trying to shield them?  Unfortunately yes.

What if there were programs to educate parents and help them become cooperative ex-spouses?  Fortunately, there are many such programs located across our state and across the country.  One such program in the Upstate is the "Children in the Middle" (CIM) program offered by The Phoenix Center in Greenville, SC.

The CIM program, formerly known as PACT (Parent and Child Transition), is a four week program that addresses how the divorce experience relates to parenting.  Through small group sessions, this program allows both custodial and non-custodial parents a chance to consider different points of view.  You can click HERE to view a *.pdf description of this program, including its statistical success rate.

Press Coverage of SC Family Law Attorney

As I posted earlier this week, I recently gave a presentation titled "Top 10 Things Investigators Should Know About Family Law Cases" to the South Carolina Association of Legal Investigators (SCALI) Fall Conference here in Spartanburg, SC.  The Spartanburg Herald-Journal published a very short article about this conference including this photo of me making my presentation:

Spartanburg Herald-Journal Coverage of SC Family Lawyer's Presentation to SCALI

SC Family Law Attorney Gives Presentation to Legal Investigators

I had the pleasure of speaking today at the South Carolina Association of Legal Investigators (SCALI) Fall Conference, which was held here in Spartanburg, SC.  There were investigators present from all across South Carolina and a few from our neighboring states as well.

During the one hour presentation, I discussed the "Top 10 Things Investigators Should Know About Family Law Cases" and answered a good many questions from the investigators in attendance.  You can view a *.pdf version of my Keynote presentation by clicking here.  Thanks again to SCALI for inviting me to speak.

Hot Tips From the Coolest Domestic Law Practitioners

I had the privilege today of speaking at the annual "Hot Tips From the Coolest Domestic Law Practitioners" seminar presented by the South Carolina Bar.  This seminar typically features outstanding presentations from the best and brightest legal minds all across South Carolina, and it is truly an honor to be in such esteemed company.

During my presenation, I mentioned links to several online resources.  Here are the links:
Thanks again to the South Carolina Bar for asking me to speak at this year's Hot Tips seminar.

New Online Resource for Servicemembers

The U.S. Department of Justice has created a website, Servicemembers.gov, to help members of the armed forces protect their legal rights. The site provides information on the following laws:
  1. The Servicemembers' Civil Relief Act (SCRA), which provides civil protections for military personnel while on active duty.
  2. The Uniformed Services and Reemployment Rights Act (USERRA), which protects servicemembers’ and veterans’ civilian employment rights.
  3. The Uniformed and Overseas Citizens Absentee Voting Act (UOCAVA), which requires that states allow certain citizens, including servicemembers and their families, to register and vote absentee in federal elections.
Source: "New Site Covers Servicemembers' Rights" published at Robert Ambrogi's LawSites.

Directory of State-Specific Family Law Blogs

About a year ago, I published a list of state-specific Family Law blogs available online. This list has now been updated to include many other family law blogs, and it is now approximately twice the size of the original. There are currently 41 state specific blogs related to family law topics, representing 22 states (and 3 Canadian provinces). I receive RSS feeds from each of these blogs, and I monitor them daily. These blogs are well written, and they provide a wealth of information to attorneys and clients alike. The state-specific Family Law blogs of which I am aware:

Alabama: Alabama Family Law Blog by Michael Sherman, Esq.

Alabama: Lee's Divorce & Family Law Blog by Lee Borden, Esq.

Arkansas: Kevin Hickey Law Blog by Kevin L. Hickey, Esq.

Arizona: Arizona Family Law Blog by Nirenstein, Ruotolo & Gonzalez, P.L.C.

Arizona: Arizona Divorce & Family Law by Trent Wilcox, Esq.

California: California Divorce and Family Law by Jeffrey Lalloway, Esq.

California: California Divorce Blawg by John E. Harding, Esq.

California: California Family Law Blog by Scott J. Sagaria, Esq.

California: San Diego Divorce Lawyer by Brian D. Bill, Esq.

California: San Francisco Family Law Blog by M. Tilden Moschetti, Esq.

Colorado: Colorado DivorcePoint! by Lawrence F. King, Esq. and Christopher L. Griffith, Esq.

Florida: Florida Divorce Law Blog by Janet Langjahr, Esq.

Florida: Florida Family & Divorce Lawyer by James W. Hart, Esq.

Florida: Florida Family Lawyer by Barry W. Kaufman, Esq.

Florida: Tampa Family and Divorce Lawyer by Nancy McRoberts Parham, Esq.

Florida: The Orsini & Rose Divorce and Family Law Blog by Brent Rose, Esq.

Georgia: Georgia Family Law Blog by Andrea Knight, Esq.

Illinois: Chicago Family Law Blog by Alan Pearlman, Esq.

Indiana: Indiana Family Law Blog by William L. Wilson, Esq.

Iowa: Iowa Family Law by Babich, Goldman, Cashatt & Renzo, P.C.

Kansas: Kansas Family & Divorce Lawyer by Grant D. Griffiths, Esq.

Kentucky: Divorce Law Journal by Diana L. Skaggs, Esq.

Kentucky: Kentucky Law Blog by Michael Stevens and others

Maine: Maine Divorce Law Blog by Alan R. Nye, Esq.

Maryland: Maryland Divorce Legal Crier by James J. Gross, Esq.

Michigan: Updates in Michigan Family Law by Jeanne M. Hannah, Esq.

Michigan: Domestic Diversions by David C. Sarnacki and others

New Jersey: New Jersey Family Law by Charles C. Abut, Esq.

New Jersey: New Jersey Family Law Blog by Pieter Droppert, Esq.

New Jersey: New Jersey Law Blog by Stark & Stark

New York: New York Divorce Report by Daniel E. Clement, Esq.

North Carolina: Kramer vs by Alison Kramer of Rosen Divorce

North Carolina: Ullman & Allen Family Law Forum by Ullman & Allen, PLLC

South Carolina: South Carolina Family Law Blog by J. Benjamin Stevens, Esq.

Tennessee: Tennessee Family and Probate Law by Al Frazier, Esq.

Tennessee: Knight on Family Law by Stephen C. Knight, Esq.

Texas: Family Law > News & Views by Jimmy Verner, Esq.

Texas: Texas Family Law Blog by Chris Schmiedeke, Esq.

Utah: Utah Divorce and Family Law Blog by Gregory W. Stevens, Esq.

Virginia: Virginia Law Blog by Shane L. Jimison, Esq.

Canada:

Vancouver, British Columbia: British Columbia Family Law Blog by MacLean Family Law Group

Ottawa, Ontario: Ottawa Divorce Blog by Jeffrey Behrendt, Esq.

Toronto, Ontario: Blog/Journal of a Toronto Lawyer Specializing in Estate & Family Law by Robert G. Coates, Esq.

Check out these blogs, and let me know if you are aware of any other Family Law blogs. I'll be glad to add them to this list and to publish an updated listing in the future.

Fun Back-to-School Printables

Both you and your children will enjoy these back-to-school items, "Print It: Back-to-School," from Parents.com:

Happy (Belated) Anniversary to Us

June 23, 2006 marked the one year anniversary of the South Carolina Family Law Blog. For several reasons, the date slipped by me without much fanfare, but I did not want to let it go unnoticed -- even belatedly so. When I started this blog just over a year ago, I hoped to provide a service and give information to those interested in family law issues both here in South Carolina and elsewhere. Now some 363 posts later, I believe that I have made some progress in that direction.

The blog has given me a new perspective on these issues, and it has enabled me to meet some great people all across the country. I want to give a quick but sincere thank you to the following people: Dave Swanner for making me aware of blogging; Michael Sherman and Grant Griffiths for their input and ideas; and Kevin O'Keefe and LexBlog for their outstanding design, production, and hosting services. Now to keep moving and working on year two...

DNA Paternity Testing Made Inexpensive and Easy

The Memphis, TN Daily News recently published an article, "Who's Your Daddy? It's Easier to Find Out Than You Think" by Andrew Ashby. This article contains a good discussion of modern DNA paternity testing, including the process and costs involved.

The article also references a company called TestExpress, which offers such tests for as little as $200 to $250 for a "non-legal test" to $525 for a test which includes a chain-of-custody form. This form is a legal document that shows when and where the sample was collected in case it's used for evidence at a hearing.

Source: Post by Stephen C. Knight at the Tennessee Divorce and Family Law Blog.

Attorney Profiled in Local Newspaper

I am very proud to announce that my law partner, Paul MacPhail, is featured in this month's Prime Years magazine:

It's true that most people wear multiple hats in a lifetime. Being a child, student, spouse, and parent are among the most common, but how would you like to be a lawyer- dedicated to helping people navigate life's challenges by day and a philandering Count by night? Paul MacPhail, attorney with the Stevens and MacPhail law firm in Spartanburg has done just that.

MacPhail, 45, can wear a unique set of hats because he's had the courage to follow his dreams from one career into another while keeping the best of both worlds at hand. But he hasn't done it alone. "It's all been a team effort," MacPhail is quick to say.

Paul MacPhail is the son of John and Jeanne MacPhail, of Spartanburg. Paul was reared in a home filled with his mother's music and a behind the scenes view of the law in action from the judge's robes his father wore and the stories he'd bring home from court.

It was vocal studies that called to Paul in his first career. He met his wife, Valerie, while they were both earning masters degrees in vocal performance at Florida State University in Talahassee and later earned his doctoral degree in musical arts from the University of Illinois.

Paul taught college and directed both the opera and choral programs at Mercyhurst College in Pennsylvania then moved to Spartanburg in 1992 to serve as opera director at Converse College. He also managed the opera workshops at Brevard Music Center for four years. Valerie taught voice at Converse. Music was an integral part of their lives.

But when Valerie was pregnant with the couple's third child, Paul began discussing the idea of changing careers. "I just wasn't feeling fulfilled and couldn't see myself in the same place for the rest of my working years," he said. "I felt that whatever career I went into next that I wanted to touch a more diverse group of people."

He looked at the careers of family and close friends for direction. His sisters are involved in education, social work and music. Two are married to ministers. It seemed the more he looked, the more he was drawn to helping others and changing lives. "It was scary to consider, especially at that time, but I grew up in a family that believes you should love what you do or you shouldn't be doing it," Valerie said.

In 1995, Paul served as the foreman of a jury on a local murder trial. "I came home after the second day and told Valerie that this was what I wanted to do," he said. He didn't tell his parents what he'd planned until he and Valerie had everything decided.

"I'll never forget. We were playing pool and I was about to take a shot when he said, 'Dad, I'm going to law school.' I missed that shot," said John MacPhail. "We were very concerned when they told us what they had planned because we knew first hand what a strain law school can be on a young family," said Jeanne MacPhail. But the decisions were made and the senior MacPhails pitched in to help with the care of their grandchildren.

Paul resigned from Converse in 1996 to attend law school at the University of South Carolina. The first year, he lived in an apartment in Columbia, coming home whenever his studies would permit. Valerie juggled numerous part time positions and met the family needs at home.

"I took every job I found or was offered and would not have made it through had it not been for great friends and family," she said. After that first year, Paul was able to live at home and commute while she was able to focus on a full time position opened at Converse which Valerie held for the next two years. They made it work.

"It was as if we had a narrow beam between where we were and where we were going. If you look to the sides and get bogged down in the distractions and challenges, you fall. We got there by looking forward," Paul explained. "Our Christian faith kept us all going," said John MacPhail.

During law school, Paul earned the distinction of being named to the Law Review, an honor reserved for the most successful law students. For many who earn the credential, it serves as the opening of a career door into large, prestigious law firms. But during his studies, Paul's new career path became defined in ways he hadn't expected.

His journey toward courtrooms was inspired by criminal law, but it was the same type of law that sent him on a different course. During a summer's work in the Public Defender's office, Paul worked through the details of a very emotional double murder case. "I came home every night so upset and I knew I couldn't do that to my family. We read about murders and watch CSI but it's very different to talk to the people involved and fully absorb the senselessness of it all then to carry that burden home," he said.

In 1999, Paul took a job with the McQueen law firm in Spartanburg but he found he was called to family law, not just probate and estate planning. Ben Stevens was looking for someone to join his firm and MacPhail has found it a perfect fit. He says that the work is typical in that every day is different. "I've never spent a day as a lawyer being bored."

"You really have to have a heart for family law and Paul has that. He's carving out quite a good reputation within the legal community and I'm regularly hearing other attorneys comment on his excellent skills in the courtroom," said Ben Stevens.

Paul says he enjoys advocating for a client who is unable to articulate his or her needs, whether it's by lack of education or being overcome by the circumstances they've found themselves in.

He gives them the words, a voice. His voice is so strong in fact, that his law partner jokes that if things aren't going well in court, he should start singing his arguments. "His voice is like a siren's song - it's undeniable," said Stevens, who hears his partner singing regularly during church services.

But giving voice has significance for MacPhail in other ways, too. In January, he played the role of a very unsavory Count in the Converse College, Petrie School of Music production of "The Marriage of Figaro." He's continued to utilize his vocal talents in numerous local productions by Converse, The Spartanburg Repertory Company, and through First Presbyterian Church where he and his family are members.

Though the law and opera aren't generally thought of together, MacPhail sees them as a great complement to one another. "Working on a performance keeps me sharp. I use my memory, react to and anticipate the actions of others, and am aware of the effects of my movement and gestures on those around me and the overall effect they create. Those activities are very stimulating and they show up in the courtroom," MacPhail explained.

Practicing law is not as it appears on television where large elite firms are the standard, Paul explained. He says that he has found a great joy by working in a smaller firm than what people normally envision when thinking of a law career. Now, though his work days run about an 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. schedule, he can work to help his clients but still arrange time to spend a few months in evening rehearsals for a local production or sing for a church service in the middle of the day, giving voice to all.

Source: "Giving Voice on Stage and in the Courtroom" by Kim Atchley, Published in the May 2006 edition of Prime Years.

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The Motherhood Manifesto

You may be interested in the following article, "The Motherhood Manifesto" by Joan Blades & Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, as published in the May 22, 2006 issue of The Nation:

In the deep quiet of a still-dark morning, Renee reaches her arm out from under her thick flowered comforter and across the bed to hit the snooze button on her alarm clock. For a few blessed (and pre-planned) minutes she avoids the wakeful classic rock blaring into her bedroom from her alarm. Renee hits the snooze button exactly three times before finally casting off her covers. She does this each morning, and each morning she sleepily thinks the same thing: "It's too early. I was just at work two seconds ago, and I don't want to go back already."

Everything about Renee's morning is structured for speed and efficiency. At 5:45, with her young son, Wade, and husband, Alan, still sleeping, Renee drags herself out of bed and sleepwalks to the shower. She brushes her teeth while the shower is warming, making sweeping circles on the mirror with her hand so she can see her reflection. Renee's movements, though she's thoroughly tired, are crisp, hurried and automatic--she's repeated the routine daily for several years.

Renee knows exactly how long each of her morning tasks will take, to the minute. That, for instance, between 6 and 6:12 she needs to put on her makeup, get herself dressed, get her son's clothes out and ready for the day, and get downstairs to the kitchen to start breakfast.

All this is done with an eye on the clock and a subtle, yet constant, worry about time. Her mind loops over the potential delays that could be ahead: "Is there going to be traffic? Am I going to get stuck behind a school bus? Is my son going to act normal when I drop him off or is he going to be stuck to my leg? Am I going to get a parking space in the office garage or am I going to have to run five blocks through the city to get to work on time?" And if there isn't any garage parking, which happens often, then in order to be on time for work Renee has to run up six flights of stairs in heels because she doesn't have extra time to waste waiting for an elevator. She's done this climb more than once.

Why the stress? At her work, if Renee is late more than six times, she's in danger of losing her job. Like many American mothers, Renee needs her income to help provide for her family. In our modern economy, where more often than not two wage earners are needed to support a family, American women now make up 46 percent of the entire paid labor force. In fact, a study released last June found that in order to maintain income levels, parents have to work more hours--two-parent families are spending 16 percent more time at work, or 500 more hours a year, than in 1979.

Despite all the media chatter about the so-called Opt-Out Revolution--and all the hand-wringing about whether working moms are good for kids--women, and mothers, are in the workplace to stay. Yet public policy and workplace structures have yet to catch up.

This Mother's Day, why not step back and reflect about how we as a country can really help mothers like Renee? For example, the option of flextime would make a world of difference for Renee and her family. "Flextime would make a huge difference in my life because with my job function, there are busy days and late days. As long as I'm there forty hours a week and get my job done, then I don't know why anyone would care. I don't understand why there's such an 8 am to 5 pm 'law' in my workplace."

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Price of Adultery, Judicial Style

From the Spartanburg Herald-Journal:

Spartanburg Magistrate Johnny Cash was removed from office Monday by the state Supreme Court for engaging in two separate cases of adultery with court employees. Cash's actions failed to uphold the integrity of the judiciary, stated an order signed by Chief Justice Jean Toal. Toal had demoted Cash from chief magistrate to regular magistrate in March 2005. Toal gave no reason for the demotion at the time.

Monday's court order stated Cash's actions went beyond marital infidelity. One of the women "believed she could not refuse his advances," according to the order. The woman told investigators that she feared losing her job because she was already in a difficult employment position. She said she had been confiding her job-related fears in Cash and had been surprised by his sexual advances. However, she also said that they had had a flirtatious friendship and engaged in intimate relations on a second occasion.

Cash, 47, believed the sexual activity was "mutually desired," the order stated. He would not comment Monday. Cash's second affair was with a woman he married in November 2005, after his wife divorced him in August. The order stated the ongoing affair included activity on two out-of-town court-related seminars.

Shortly before they began having an affair, Cash also promoted the court employee, according to the order. Cash told investigators that her promotion was based on merit but the order stated he "acknowledged that, in hindsight, it may have had the appearance of being based on favoritism." Cash said that both he and the woman had been in failed marriages and eventually "fell in love," the order stated.

Cash's removal came nine months after his divorce. State disciplinary counsel Henry B. Richardson Jr. said that the removal process was followed and that it can be lengthy. An agreement between Cash and court investigators limits the information available about the affairs and the investigation into Cash to what is in the court order.

Spartanburg County's senators must now recommend Cash's successor for appointment by Gov. Mark Sanford. Local senators said Monday, however, that they had no timeframe for replacing Cash. Glenn Reese, D-Boiling Springs, said he'd like to have it done before the legislative session ends June 1.

Magistrate Court appointments have recently been a heated point of contention between local senators. Cash became a magistrate in 1998. He was receiving a salary of $68,000, according to Spartanburg County records. Current Chief Magistrate Robert Hall said losing Cash would not noticeably affect the workings of magistrate court. "We will continue to function," Hall said. "We'll get the job done." Hall also said Cash's current wife would continue to be employed in her position.

Source: "Magistrate Removed From Office" by Alexander Morrison.

Tips for Relieving Stress in Your Practice

I recently read an excellent article with suggestions on how attorneys can relieve stress in their family law practices. The four main tips were:

  • Schedule new consultations on Mondays and try to avoid contested hearings on Mondays if possible.

  • Prepare paperwork on Fridays and plan for the upcoming week.

  • Return telephone calls at the end of the day when you can devote your full attention to the call instead of interrupting other work to take calls as they are received.

  • Schedule your own hearings instead of delegating that task to assistants.

Source: "Modest Proposals for Relieving Stress in Your Family Law Practice" by Charles R. Webb published in the Association of Trial Lawyers of America's Winter 2006 Family Law Section Newsletter

Ten Useful Tips When Filing Your Tax Return

If you've recently divorced or separated from your spouse, here are a few things you should know for the upcoming tax season:

  1. What is my filing status? (Married, Single, Head of Household)

    Marital standing at year end determines your filing status for the entire year. If you have a decree of divorce or separate maintenance, signed by a judge, you should file as single. Regardless of whether you have a signed decree you may be able to file as head of household. Filing as head of household may reduce your income tax obligation, but to qualify the following conditions must be met:

    • You paid more than ½ the cost of keeping up your home for the tax year,
    • Your home was the main home for your child for more than ½ the year,
    • Your spouse hasn't been a member of the household for 6 months.

    If you can't file as single or head of household, then you must either file as married filing joint or married filing separate.

  2. Should my spouse and I file as married, filing separate or married, filing joint?

    Filing joint may provide some tax benefits over filing separate. However, by filing separate the IRS can't hold you responsible for any unpaid taxes caused by your spouse's actions or omissions. The "innocent spouse" rule provides relief from this responsibility in some cases.

  3. Are my divorce costs deductible?

    In general legal fees are considered personal expenses so they aren't deductible. However legal fees paid to get alimony and legal fees regarding the tax effects of divorce are deductible. The attorney must allocate fees paid for deductible and non-deductible services otherwise the deduction may be disallowed. The allowed deduction is a miscellaneous itemized deduction which is deductible only to the extent that, in the aggregate, the miscellaneous deductions exceed 2% of the taxpayer's adjusted gross income. Some are your legal fees may be deductible, such as fees for securing income.

  4. Is child support taxable?

    No. Child support is neither taxable to the recipient nor deductible to the payor. If the payor owes both alimony and child support but pays less than the total amount owed, the payments apply first to child support and then to alimony. If the separation agreement doesn't delineate separate alimony and child support payments, general "family support" payments are treated as child support for tax purposes, unless the alimony qualifications are met.

  5. Are there any tax benefits if I am paying alimony?

    If you are paying alimony, you can use your payments to reduce your gross income.

  6. Is alimony taxable?

    In general, alimony is taxable to the recipient (line 11 of the 2004 Form 1040) and deductible to the payor (line 34a of the 2004 Form 1040). However, some couples stipulate in their separation agreement that the alimony won't be deductible to the payor, or taxable to the recipient. Alimony is deductible on page 1 of the 1040 form so you don't need to itemize your deductions to take it as a deduction. If you don't have any other income you can still make IRA contributions. Alimony is considered earned income. Anyone receiving alimony, especially without wages,
    may need to make estimated tax payments throughout the year in order to avoid penalties when they file.

  7. Who claims the Child Tax credit and the Household and Dependent Care credit?

    Only the parent who claims the exemption for the child may claim the Child Tax credit for that child. Unlike the exemption, it can't be traded. If you are the custodial parent, you can claim the Household and Dependent Care credit for the child even if you cannot claim the child's exemption. If you are the non-custodial parent, you cannot claim the Household and Dependent Care credit for the child even if you can claim the child's exemption.

  8. Who gets the mortgage interest deduction and other itemized deductions?

    If the marital home is owned by one spouse alone, only that spouse may claim a mortgage interest deduction. Deductible expenses that are paid out of separate funds, such as medical expenses, are deductible by the spouse who pays them. In general, deductible expenses paid out of joint funds are split 50/50 between the spouses, including mortgage interest. Mortgage interest for property titled by the entireties can be claimed by whichever spouse actually paid the expense.

  9. Who gets to claim the dependency exemption for the children?

    In general, as long as the parents combined contribute at least ½ of the support of the child, the custodial parent gets the dependency exemption for the child. If custody is split or undeterminable, the parent who had physical custody for the greater part of the year gets the dependency exemption. Custodial parents can waive their right to the dependency exemption.

  10. My spouse and I are using the married, filing separate filing status. Can I use the standard deduction if my spouse itemizes?

    No. If spouses are using the married, filing separate filing status and one spouse itemizes their deductions, the other spouse must itemize as well. You must coordinate this with you spouse because if you file first and take a standard deduction and your spouse itemizes, you may have to file an amended tax return.

Source: "10 Useful Tax Tips When Filing Your Return" by Jessie Danninger, Rosen Law Firm.

The Three Crimes of Parental Alienation Syndrome

An upcoming book, Hugs to Heartbreak: A Parent's Journey Through Parental Alienation Syndrome discusses Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS) from the perspectives of a severely alienated parent (Jeff Opperman) and a clinical psychologist (Dr. David Israel).

The book's introduction explains that PAS involves three crimes against the child:

  1. The first crime is that the alienating parent doesn't acknowledge that every child is one-half of each parent. Every time the alienating parent tells the child how horrible the other parent is, the alienating parent is telling the child that half of him (or her) is horrible.

  2. The second crime is that the alienating parent teaches the child that cutting off contact with people is an acceptable way to handle anger, hurt, and disappointment. The world is full of people. One day the child will be an adult. The child will grow up without the appropriate coping skills to have normal, healthy relationships with other adults.

  3. The third crime is that one day the child will look back on the alienating parent's behavior from an adult perspective. He or she will then realize that the alienating parent robbed the child of something very precious - the love and attention of the other parent. The child-turned-adult will realize that the trust placed in the alienating parent was misplaced. He or she will feel betrayed. At that point the adult will not just have one damaged relationship with a parent, but damaged relationships with both parents.

Source: "The Three Crimes of PAS" posted at the Just Another Disenfranchised Father blog.

Debt and Denial - During the Tax Season

Noted private investigator Bill Mitchell recently answered the following, timely question on his blog: "With the tax season deadline approaching, what election will you use to file your 2005 tax return -- married filing jointly or married with money grubbing cheating spouse?"

    With the tax filing date quickly approaching, you must prepare your taxes again, and on time. This time of year, finances are always a priority for us, 'but did the thought ever occur to you that cheating spouses are spending money without telling you?' asks Mitchell.

    'Once a cheat always a cheat' as the old adage goes. 'If they will cheat on you, count on it - Uncle Sam is next,' adds Mitchell. 'And this means possible IRS problems,' Mitchell warns. The problem for most victims of infidelity is denial. Coping with powerful feelings of trust and mistrust keep many in the dark.

    Cheating spouses account for millions of dollars each year in travel, gifts, phone charges, and more as they philander. 'Taking an assessment of your income and expenses columns, especially in the 'miscellaneous category,' will unearth cheating spouses' wrongdoings,' offers Mitchell.

    Tax season can also serve as time for damage control. Start by investigating credit card and bank statements and phone bills - especially cell accounts. Next, turn your attention toward any disappearing acts or business trips during the past year. Make certain you don't overlook holidays such as Valentine's Day and Christmas and your spouse's birthday. These events are just a few important dates to include as you audit your finances.

    Each case depends upon the nature of the income, methods of payment, how and where assets are hidden. For example, does the potential exist for your spouse to hide assets through the assistance of a family member, business partner, or out-of-state relative? If your answer to any of these questions is yes, you might consider using spyware and a device called the Phone Accountant to track call data and trace email transactions. In some cases, computers may need to be forensically analyzed for erased data on the hard drive.

    'Another safeguard for anyone suspecting an affair is to check your credit report,' says Mitchell. Obtaining your credit report may provide information and evidence such as hidden credit history, accounts, or debts. This approach can be used to identify transactions your spouse made without you. Look for banking and routing information revealing any trails to hidden assets or financial surprises.

    Use this tax season to secure your financial future, avoid debts, and verify the facts. A troubled relationship brings more than pain. It normally brings debt! You shouldn't be the last one to know if your spouse is cheating on the government and you."

Source: "Debt and Denial - During the Tax Season" by Bill Mitchell, the Seven-Day Detective and author of The More You Know.

Private Guardian ad Litem Wins Multi-Million Dollar Defamation Suit

A jury in Charleston, South Carolina returned a verdict late last week in favor of a former private Guardian ad Litem who had sued a group that tried to destroy her by making disparaging remarks about her personal life. The group, the Justice Seekers and the Domestic Court Reform Movement, was highly critical of the Guardian ad Litem system in South Carolina and managed to bring about stricter rules for guardians. The verdict was for $6.5 million -- $500,000 in actual damages and $6 million in punitive damages. You can read more about this story in "Ex-Guardian Wins $6.5M in Defamation Suit" by Schuyler Kropf, published in the Charleston Post and Courier.

Locate Registered Sex Offenders Living Near Your Home

The Family Watchdog website enables you to enter your address to obtain a map showing any registered sex offenders residing near your home. By clicking on the map, you can obtain the names, addresses, and photographs of each registered sex offender.

Thanks to Michael Sherman of the Alabama Family Law Blog for this find.

Borderline Personality Disorders

My significant other has lost his/her mind!!! How many times have you said (or at least thought) these words? I recently had a case in which a party's mental status was a legitimate issue. In the course of my representation, I had to research the issues of Borderline Personality Disorder. I thought it might be helpful to share some basic information on this topic with you.

The DSM-IV sets out the following diagnostic criteria for Borderline Personality Disorder:
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

  1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. (Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5);
  2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation;
  3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self;
  4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). (does not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5);
  5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior;
  6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days);
  7. chronic feelings of emptiness;
  8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights);
  9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

To get more information on this topic, you can visit BPDCentral.com, a list of resources for people who care about someone with borderline personality disorder. You might also want to read the following books on this topic: Stop Walking on Eggshells; Coping When Somebody You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul T. Mason and Randi Kreiger; Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Tense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson; and The Borderline Personality: Vision and Healing by Nathan Schwartz-Salant. Thanks to Clarke Logan Young Law Office of Santa Monica, California for their excellent post on this important topic.

The Family Law Education Reform Report Completed

The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts recently forwarded me the following article written by Andrew Schepard, who is the co-chair of the Family Law Education Reform Project:

The Family Law Education Reform (FLER) Report was created to address a question that no academic group or professional association has asked before-does the law school's family law curriculum adequately prepare future family lawyers for the challenges of practice? Sponsored by the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts (AFCC) and the Center for Children, Families and the Law of Hofstra Law School, the Report's answer is "not well," a conclusion that requires reconsideration of the nature and purposes of legal education in an area central to the welfare of thousands of children and parents.

FLER examined current courses and teaching materials, and organized several think tank conferences in which family law professors and stakeholders in the family law system shared their views on the family law curriculum. With support from the Johnson Foundation and the JAMS Foundation, the project also systematically surveyed judges, lawyers, mediators, mental health professionals and others about the knowledge and skills required to effectively practice family law.

FLER is Co-chaired by Peter Salem, AFCC Executive Director and Andrew Schepard, Professor of Law, Hofstra University School of Law, Director of the Center for Children, Families and the Law and FLER's reporters, Professors Mary E. O'Connell of Northeastern University School of Law and J. Herbie DiFonzo of Hofstra University, wrote a Report for law schools to improve their family law curricula. This column briefly summarizes their rich and thorough examination of the state of law school family law education.

Family Law Practice in the 21st Century

The FLER Report documents the dramatic change in family law practice in the last quarter century. Virtually everything about family law has evolved-the role of the family court, the procedure for resolving family disputes, the role of the family lawyer and the substantive law. For example, in many jurisdictions today's family court judge is more than an adjudicator. The judge may oversee a multi-disciplinary group of service providers all engaged with the children and families whose cases are before the court. Many jurisdictions have created unified family courts that group a range of issues, from divorce and custody to juvenile crime to child support, under one courthouse roof with a single judge deciding all legal issues relating to a single family. Many jurisdictions have created specialized courts for divorce, domestic violence, drug abuse, and permanency planning, which compel litigants to participate in both mental health and social services designed to serve therapeutic and rehabilitative goals.

Some jurisdictions have created multi-door family courthouses, which incorporate and frequently mandate a wide variety of dispute resolution options (e.g., mediation, family group conferencing, educational programs, parenting coordinators, early neutral evaluation for parenting and financial maters, arbitration) to resolve disputes without adjudication. When disputes are adjudicated, family courts increasingly rely on neutral expert reports from professionals (e.g., mental health experts, financial appraisers) appointed by the court rather than hired by a party. An influx of self-represented litigants has also become part of the landscape of today's family court.


Modern family law practice is evolving rapidly as well. Today's family lawyer must be fully equipped to work with professionals from different disciplines and multiple dispute resolution processes in an increasingly complex and differentiated system. The traditional full service adversarial model of lawyer representation is being increasingly challenged by emerging models that call for problem solving, collaboration, and unbundled (limited task) representation. Many argue that family lawyers should have different ethical responsibilities than lawyers in traditional civil and criminal cases, including a responsibility to discuss alternative dispute resolution with their clients and an obligation to "do no harm" to their clients' children.

The Skills and Knowledge Necessary to Practice Family Law

FLER's survey of stakeholders in the family law system presented a list of 22 skills, generated through consultation with law faculty and a review of relevant literature. Survey respondents were asked to rank each skill as "extremely important," "moderately important," or "not important at all." Over 90% of respondents identified the following as "extremely important:"

  • listening
  • setting realistic expectations for clients
  • involving clients in decision-making
  • identifying clients' interests

These responses suggest that today's family law practitioner should be equipped with strong interpersonal, collaborative and negotiation skills.
When asked to rank a list of knowledge areas by importance to family law practice, respondents placed highest priority on the understanding of:

  • financial issues
  • impact of separation and divorce on children
  • ethical dimensions of family law practice
  • relevant laws and court procedures

Several frequent responses were unique to family law and, like the impact of divorce and separation on children, are at the intersection of law, mental health and social science:

  • impact of separation and divorce on parents
  • dynamics of domestic violence
  • dynamics of child abuse and neglect

What Are Law Schools Teaching?

The FLER Report analyzed family law casebooks, the source that best encapsulates what law teachers regard as the fundamentals of the family law curriculum. In a review of eight standard family law texts, the Project discovered that 79% of the pages were devoted to case material or statutes, with the bulk of those pages being case law. Although family courts increasingly hear on social science data, the mean family law text for classroom use contained 1,166 pages, only 18 (1.5%) of which involved social science. The course books contain very little material on interviewing, counseling, negotiation and ethics, and hardly anything on the impact of divorce and separation on children and child development.

Accessing the Report

The Reporters will prepare a final Report to be published in the Family Court Review in October 2006 with additional commentary from legal educators, judges, lawyers, mediators and mental health professionals. If you are interested in reading the Report, you can download the document from the AFCC Web site at www.afccnet.org/about/fam_law_tf.asp. AFCC will be hosting two workshops on the research and implementation of the Report at its 43rd Annual Conference in Tampa Bay, May 31-June 3, 2006. More detail on these workshops can be found in the AFCC conference brochure on the AFCC Web site at www.afccnet.org or by calling (608) 664-3750.

How to Negotiate Like a Pro

Knowing how to effectively negotiate can make a difference in the outcome of your family court case. Of course, your attorney will do most of the negotiating on your behalf, but having some familiarity with basic negotiating concepts can be invaluable to help you better understand what is happening and why.

I read an article at AskMen.com which contained an excellent discussion of this topic. The author correctly stated that negotiation is the process of getting something in return for something else while giving up as little as possible in doing so. If done properly, both parties come out happy, but if done wrong, the results can be disastrous.

Here are ten basic negotiation strategies that everyone should know:

  1. Never make the first offer.

    By making the first offer, you make several mistakes right out of the gate. First, you are giving up the chance to get a feel for the other side's intention. A poor initial offer can signal a lack of interest in the negotiation. A great initial offer can be an indication that the other side is desperate to settle the case. I tend to view the other side's initial offer as their worst case scenario. If you do decide to make the first offer, keep in mind that you are bidding against your self.

  2. Aim reasonably high.

    When making your initial offer (hopefully in the form of a counteroffer) you should ask for more than you hope to receive, but not so much that it is counterproductive. You don't want to make the other side leave the table, nor do you want them to think that you do not know what you are doing.

  3. Never look impressed or eager.

    Even if the other side offers you more than you ever dreamed of getting, you don't want to tip your hand by letting a smile creep across your face. A good "poker face" can be a great asset, and there will always be time later for celebrating.

  4. Always be willing to walk away.

    Making the other side believe that you are not going to accept their offer can also be a powerful tool. The threat of your "walking away" can make the other side get to their best offer quicker and/or make them offer more than they initially wanted to because they believe they must do so in order to close the deal.

  5. Assume the other guy needs you.

    Don't underestimate or undervalue what it is that you're offering. It can sometimes be easy to overlook the value of your position, since we often overlook what is right in front of us. One of the tactics I employ in every case is to try to put myself in my opponent's shoes so that I can consider the strengths of his case and the weaknesses of mine. Doing this will allow me to see the value in my client's case as well.

  6. Play good cop, bad cop.

    This tactic is difficult to use when negotiating for someone else, but I have invoked it from time to time. Obviously, this strategy must be discussed with the client beforehand, and frankly, it takes the right client in order to do it effectively.

  7. Learn to remain silent.

    Of course, silence is golden. In negotiating, it can be even more valuable. The fact is that silence makes people uncomfortable, and it typically results in the other side ending the silence by speaking. Often, responding to the other side with nothing but silence will make them either begin to divulge more information about what they just said or even to sweeten a just made offer.

  8. Research your opponent.

    You should learn as much as possible about the person with whom you are dealing, as well as his/her case. If you know that your opponent's typical bidding pattern, you can more easily evaluate the offers as they are made. If you see that your opponent doesn't know certain key facts, you may be able to seize an opportunity to settle your case as the most opportune time.

  9. Never give up on the core of your deal.

    Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in the heat of negotiations, only to end up in a situation that you may later regret. A seasoned attorney will discuss the key issues with his client before any negotiations to determine where the client's "bottom line" lies. Since every client and every case is different, this discussion is critical, as what may seem to be a great deal in one case may not be satisfactory to a client in the next case.

  10. Always be polite.

    You should maintain your dignity and professionalism, no matter how the negotiation goes. If the other sides acts unreasonably, you should resist the temptation to tell him/her what you really think of their last offer. While it may make you feel better in the short term, the damage done to your long term relationship with the other side may be irreparable. In family court cases, your client will almost always have some relationship with the other party after this case is over, and this concept cannot be lost while at the negotiating table.

Source: "11 Negotiation Strategies" at AskMen.com

Useful Resources Regarding Domestic Violence

The American Bar Association's Commission on Domestic Violence has published two useful resources:

State Domestic Violence Coalitions

The following is a list of organizations, throughout the United States, that work on a range of domestic violence related issues. These organizations can be a valuable resource for victims of domestic violence and for attorneys or advocates working with them in either the civil or criminal context.

Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence - 334/832-4842

Alaska Network on Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault - 907/586-3650

Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence - 602/279-2900

Arkansas Coalition Against Violence to Women & Children - 501/812-0571

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Christmas and Families

Christmas is a time for families. From Christ's family long ago in that Bethlehem manger to today's children crowded around trees across the country opening their gifts. Children are truly the greatest gift of all. Watching my kids open their presents this morning and squeal with excitement is the best feeling in the world. My Christmas wish is that all parents could remember moments such as these when they are in the midst of a Family Court case. Maybe doing so would make them stop and think about their actions and make them keep the truly important things at the forefront. Merry Christmas to all.

Websites for New Parents

This month's Health magazine has published its picks for best online resources for new moms. In reviewing this list, I see no reason to limit the list only to mothers. There are many fathers who take an active role in raising their children and could just as easily benefit from this list. The author recommend these sites for offering sound advice, medical information, product reviews, even free stuff. So, regardless of your gender, here's the list:

  • The American Academy of Pediatrics provides information on timely topics (car seat safety and injury prevention), offers a free children's health newsletter, and allows you to find a pediatrician in your area.

  • Parenting.com gives product picks from parents and children throughout the country for everything from breakfast foods to baby gear, software, books, and home organization, as well as articles on pregnancy, baby and child development.

  • KidsHealth is loaded with articles written by physicians on topics as emotions, behavior, infections, allergies, exercise, and nutrition. This site also has recipes that cater to those with special dietary needs: pregnant / breastfeeding women, and children with diabetes, lactose intolerance, cystic fibrosis, and celiac disease.

  • Interactive Vaccine Scheduler presented by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention allows you to enter your child's birthdate and receive a printable immunization schedule, complete with a description of each vaccine and its purpose.

  • Pampers.com guides you through your baby's development, with news, tools, Q&A with experts, parent tips, polls, and more. Among the best features of the site is an Activities section with suggested crafts, songs, and games--all age-appropriate and highly imaginative.

  • BabyCenter.com allows you to track your unborn baby's development and receive weekly updates about what's going on with not only your baby, but with you as well.

  • BabyZone.com contains local guides for parenting resources and events, lighthearted articles (a gender predictor, baby shower etiquette, and pregnancy dreams), and links to free stuff.

Source: Web Sites for Moms by Courtney Roush

The Christmas Story - From a Child Abuse / Neglect Perspective

This post is for those of you who have been through or involved in a child abuse/neglect case (such as an action brought by the Department of Social Services). If you haven't yet had the "pleasure" of having been through one of these, you might not fully appreciate this article, but it will give you a glimpse into how these cases sometimes begin.

INFANT DISCOVERED IN BARN, CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES LAUNCH PROBE

Nazareth Carpenter Being Held On Charges Involving Underage Mother

BETHLEHEM, JUDEA - Authorities were today alerted by a concerned citizen who noticed a family living in a barn. Upon arrival, Family Protective Service personnel, accompanied by police, took into protective care an infant child, who had been wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough by his 14-year old mother, Mary of Nazareth.

During the confrontation, a man identified as Joseph, also of Nazareth, attempted to stop the social workers. Joseph, aided by several local shepherds and some unidentified foreigners, tried to forestall efforts to take the child, but were restrained by the police.

Also being held for questioning are three foreigners who allege to be wise men from an eastern country. The INS and Homeland Security officials are seeking information about these wise guys who may be in the country illegally. A source with the INS states that they had no passports, but were in possession of gold and other possibly illegal substances. They resisted arrest saying that they had been warned by God to avoid officials in Jerusalem and to return quickly to their own country. The chemical substances in their possession will be tested.

The owner of the barn is also being held for questioning. The manager of Bethlehem Inn faces possible revocation of his license for violating health and safety regulations by allowing people to stay in the stable. Civil authorities are also investigating the zoning violations involved in maintaining livestock in a commercially-zoned district.

The location of the minor child will not be released, and the prospect for a quick resolution to this case is doubtful. Asked about when the child would be returned to his mother, a Child Protective Service spokesperson said, "The father is middle-aged and the mother definitely underage. We are checking with officials in Nazareth to determine what their legal relationship is.

Joseph has admitted taking Mary from her home in Nazareth because of a census requirement. However, because she was obviously pregnant when they left, investigators are looking into other reasons for their departure. Joseph is being held without bond on charges of molestation, kidnapping, child endangerment, and statutory rape.

Mary was taken to the Bethlehem General Hospital where she is being examined by doctors. Charges may also be filed against her for endangerment. She will also undergo psychiatric evaluation because of her claim that she is a virgin and that the child is from God.

The director of the psychiatric wing said, "I don't profess to have the right to tell people what to believe, but when their beliefs adversely affect the safety and well-being of others - in this case her child - we must consider her a danger to others. The unidentified drugs at the scene didn't help her case, but I'm confidant that with the proper therapy regimen we can get her back on her feet."

A spokesperson for the governor's office said, "Who knows what was going through their heads? But regardless, their treatment of the child was inexcusable, and the involvement of these others frightening. There is much we don't know about this case, but for the sake of the child and the public, you can be assured that we will pursue this matter to the end."

Source: Hate Male Post blog

Seven Negotiating Tips from Columbo

Dennis Kennedy recently reposted an article he wrote several years ago about negotiation tips he picked up while watching reruns of the old (Peter Falk) Columbo television show. These tips can be very helpful to attorneys and clients in Family Court cases, as they are both in a constant state of negotiation (whether they realize it or not). The seven tips, courtesy of Dennis and Columbo, are:

1. Do Not Underestimate the Opposing Party. The criminals always make the assumption that Columbo is not an opponent who matches up to the high opinion they have of themselves.

2. "Bear with me, I'm just trying to understand this." Columbo often uses this tactic to get his adversary to spin out explanations of events in ways that show contradictions. Try this: "Bear with me, I'm just trying to understand how if your software infringes someone's copyright, and we can't even see the source code, why should we bear the risk of an infringement claim instead of you."

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Free Online Seminar: Caring for Aging Parents

The AARP is providing a free online seminar for those caring for aging parents or loved ones. This seminar will help outline some of the most common issues for caregivers and provide strategies for handling them. The seminar is available at this link.

The stated learning objectives of this seminar are:

  1. Identify three strategies to ensure that your parents are driving as safely as possible.
  2. List four ways to improve communication with your parent's doctors.
  3. Outline the major pubic benefit programs for aging adults, and identify which ones your parent may qualify for.
  4. List three legal documents that can help ensure that your parents' finances and health concerns will be taken care of should they lose the ability to conduct their own affairs.

Free Educational Forum For Parents in High Conflict Divorce

Families in transition who are looking for a venue in which they are able to share their situations, listen to the circumstances others are experiencing, and gain some new insights that will be helpful may want to take advantage of an upcoming Educational Forum to be conducted by teleconference. The forum is scheduled for one hour in length on December 8, 2005, at 6:00 p.m. Eastern Time. There is no cost at this time, other than the cost of a telephone call (long distance or local), for the teleconference as a part of a pilot program

The forum's organizers, Drs. Evans and Bone, claim that they are providing this service for people experiencing divorce who are looking for a forum that provides both intimacy and anonymity -- a place where they can be honest and free to express themselves and at the same time feel protected and safe. These doctors cite the following statistics: people experiencing high conflict in their divorce encounter some degree of parental programming or alienation about 80% of the time; as many as 20% of separated parents engage in alienating behavior at least once a day; and visitation blocking is practiced by as many as 40% of the residential parents.

Please note that the Educational Forum is NOT counseling, therapy, legal advice, or any other type of mental health or legal service. It is simply a means for participants to talk about their situation and listen as others describe theirs. Drs. Bone and Evans will moderate the discussions to keep them positive and productive, and they ask that no names be given and that the participants NOT provide any information within hearing range of their children. Anyone interested in reserving a spot can do so by calling (407) 443-5627, Monday - Friday between 9:30 a.m. and 5:00 p.m., Eastern Time. If you would like more information, you can read this article published on Yahoo regarding this forum.

Child-Related Product Recalls

In advance of this Friday's designation as the "biggest shopping day of the year," I have listed below two important links from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission that parents can check for product recalls:

Toys
Child Products (not including toys)
Sports & Recreation Products

Please check these sites often, as they are updated frequently, to make sure that your children are protected and safe.

Same-sex partners win right to benefits

The Alaska Supreme Court on Friday ruled that it is unconstitutional to bar benefits to the same-sex partners of public employees. Overturning a lower-court ruling, the state's high court said that barring benefits for state and city employees' same-sex partners violates the equal protection clause of the Alaska Constitution.

This decision is regarded as a victory for gay-rights advocates in one of the first states to pass a constitutional ban on gay marriage. "It's a good day for Alaska families," said Carrie Evans, state legislative director for the Washington, D.C.-based Human Rights Campaign. She said the decision sets the stage for Alaska to join 11 other states that already have laws, policies or union contracts providing employee benefits in all eligible same-sex unions.

Alaska Governor Frank Murkowski issued a press release stating he was "absolutely outraged by this shameful court ruling." The governor says he intends to introduce a constitutional amendment in the Legislature when it returns next session to overturn the ruling, and he has directed the attorney general's office to find a way to overturn it. However, Anchorage city attorney Fred Boness said officials would not appeal the court's decision. "We're disappointed that we lost, and I think it means we're going to have to provide those benefits in the future to qualifying same-sex couples," Boness said.

Here are links to the Court's opinion in Alaska Civil Liberties Union v. State of Alaska and to various article discussing this decision: The Seattle Times, MSNBC.com, USA Today, and the Family Law Prof Blog.

History of Halloween

As you are certainly aware, today is Halloween. Have your children ever asked you to explain the relationship between ghosts, pumpkins, costumes, and candy? If so, you're in luck. If not, why not indulge yourself and read this article about all things Halloween -- past and present. Stingy Jack will be glad you did. Don't know who Stingy Jack is -- read the article and find out.

Problems with ADD Drug

The FDA has withdrawn approval for a drug used for many years to treat attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) because it has been associated with liver problems, including death. Drug manufacturers will no longer produce generic versions of pemoline, which was developed by Abbott Laboratories and sold under the name Cylert. Abbott discontinued sales and marketing of Cylert in the U.S. earlier this year, but generic versions have remained available.

The FDA is not recalling the drug, instead allowing pharmacies to sell their remaining stock as doctors still using it switch patients to alternative treatments, the agency said in a statement. The lack of a recall drew fire from the consumer advocacy group Public Citizen, as seen in its letter to FDA urging the immediate recall of all outstanding supplies of generic pemoline from the market. For more information, read the Associated Press article or the Public Citizen website.

"The Greatest Moral Issue of Our Time"

In the United States today, 37 million of our fellow citizens live in poverty, including nearly 13 million children (which is 17.6 percent of all children in America). John Edwards, former Senator from North Carolina and candidate for Vice President, has focused his considerable talent and energy toward ending poverty in America. Sen. Edwards has called poverty "one of the great moral issues of our time," stating that "in a country of our wealth and prosperity to have so many Americans living in poverty is wrong."

I had the great pleasure of meeting and talking with John back in 1998 when he was campaigning for his first political office, the Senate. John is one of those amazing people, who genuinely believes that a better America is possible for everyone. John's latest project is forming an organization, Opportunity Rocks, whose goal is to get young people more involved in community service and to get them to advocate policies that expand opportunity for people living in poverty.

Now, you may be wondering what poverty has to do with family law? A quick review of these amazing facts about poverty will quickly and clearly illustrate the relationship between poverty and families. For instance, did you know:

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Divorce Parties Growing in Popularity

UPI reports that more and more people in the United States are celebrating their divorces, and now businesses are springing up to help them. There are books ("How to Throw a Divorce or Breakup Party"), web sites (plumparty.com), and even a divorce gift registry (theytookeverything.com).

Rachel Dodes of the New York Times wrote an article, Divorce American style: Let's party!, several months ago on this subject. She refers to the divorce party as "a hybrid of a bachelor-bachelorette party and bacchanalian exorcism" and says that while divorce was once a source of social shame, "it has become its own peculiar rite of passage, so commonplace that more people are looking to mark the occasion, even on Valentine's Day, with friends and in public."

Experts think a combination of factors are at work with regard to this trend, including a growing acceptance of divorce and society's need for rituals to mark important life stages. Maybe I'm just overly skeptical, but I can't help but wonder if this really a case of people seeking to celebrate their "newly-regained freedom," or whether they are the victims of yet another marketing ploy seeking to take advantage of them during this emotional time?

What I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Divorced

My friend and fellow blogger Michael Sherman recently posted about an article he found in Christianity Today called What I Wish I'd Known Before I Got Divorced. In his post, Michael said he wished that more of his clients and/or their spouses knew this information before they decide to end their marriages, and I echo his sentiment.

This article, written by Georgia Shaffer, a licensed psychologist in Pennsylvania, advises those contemplating divorce to consider:

  • Life will change more than you realize.
  • Your life won't be more carefree.
  • You trade one set of problems for another.
  • Feelings can be deceiving.

Thanks to Michael Sherman of the Alabama Family Law Blog for this tip.

Connecting With Your Kids

Family Court cases are difficult for everyone involved, but are especially difficult for children. I often tell my clients to realize how stressful these cases can be on them, then imagine having to deal with it as a child. I believe that parents should do anything they can reasonably do to educate themselves on ways to help their children.

The Colorado Foundation for Families and Children published Connecting With Your Kids: Important Information on Parenting Time in Colorado by Jane A. Irvine M.A. This 247 page book is available online in its entirety in *.pdf format, and it discusses the following issues: overall legal rules; creation of a parenting plan; common problem areas for parents; and other available resources.

Certainly, some of the issues and procedure discussed in this book is specific to Colorado. However, there are entire chapters devoted to parenting plans, difficulties in separate parenting, and problem solving options. Those more general topics can be a great resource to parents facing these issues, regardless of the states in which they live.

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Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic violence is "a great evil and an offense against human dignity," said President Bush in a Proclamation declaring October to be National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Over the last decade, awareness of domestic violence has risen dramatically, and there are now many programs available to assist the victims and attempt to prevent future instances. I share the President's goal of working toward a society that "respects the life and dignity of every person."

In South Carolina, victims of domestic violence can file a Petition for Order for Protection to seek assistance from the Court. There are also several statewide agencies available to help victims of domestic violence, including South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, South Carolina Victim Assistance Network , and The South Carolina Centers for Equal Justice.

A complete South Carolina County-by-County listing of local domestic violence resources, including addresses and telephone numbers, is available by clicking the link below.

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Society's Anti-Father Bias

You've seen it, whether you realize it or not. What comes to mind when you think of dads in the movies? Perhaps it is the hapless shenanigans of Tom Selleck, Ted Danson, and Steve Guttenberg in Three Men and a Baby, or maybe Eddie Murphy and Jeff Garlin's bumbling efforts in Daddy Day Care. On television, Everybody Loves Raymond, The Simpsons, and Family Guy are all hit shows which feature imbeciles for fathers. There are many other examples, but the point is that Hollywood never hesitates to cash in on the public perception (albeit incorrect) that fathers are inherently incompetent when it comes to parenting.

Indeed, most men that consult with me on custody matters bring with them the perception that mothers always get custody. After I explain that South Carolina did away with any gender-based preferences (such as the now-defunct "Tender Years Doctrine"), some men feel better, but many are still skeptical. My experience has been that gender rarely, if ever, is a critical factor in deciding custody cases. Rather, the Court is much more concerned with what each parent has done (or not done) to, for, and with the child than whether that parent is male or female. However, despite the Court's "gender-neutral" stance, the public's misperception continues.

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Hurricane Relief Call to Action

My friend Kevin O'Keefe from lexBlog.com has posted a passionate call to action to help our brothers and sisters in New Orleans. Specifically, Kevin references Mayor Ray Nagin's plea that all Americans contact their Senators and Representative to demand assistance to help them survive this disaster. Please take a moment to read Kevin's post here, and then take a minute to send an email to your representatives in Congress here. This situation is desperate and growing worse by the day. Please help now!

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Hurricane Assistance

Certainly everyone has seen the devastation that has hit New Orleans and the Gulf Coast region. This natural disaster has yielded loss of businesses, homes, and lives. Millions of people are left without medication, power, food, water, and the other necessities of life. Hospitals are being evacuated. Refugees are being moved to Texas. Looting is rampant and many areas are lawless. The video shown on the television is difficult to fathom.

Here in South Carolina and in most of the country, life goes on basically as normal. Our children attend school. We go to work. Our grocery stores are stocked. There is no water standing in the street. Armed bandits are not in control of our streets. Perhaps it is easier for South Carolineans to relate to devastation left behind by Katrina since we lived through Hugo back in 1989. The destruction that I witnessed firsthand after Hugo is something that I will never be able to forget.

What are we to do to help our neighbors in the Gulf States? Hopefully, everyone will say a prayer - not only for those who are suffering, but also for the rescue workers who are struggling to help them. It will take weeks to assess the damage, identify the victims, and begin to plan for recovery. It will take months and likely years for this region to come back.

What must it be like to have lost your home? Your source of income? Your ability to communicate with the outside world? Possibly a loved one? The ability to access your bank accounts? I cannot even imagine, and it is painful to even try to do so. It certainly puts things into perspective for me personally. Suddenly, paying $2.50 per gallon to put gas in my SUV is once again merely an irritant or inconvenience.

If you are able to contribute to the rescue and recovery efforts, both the American Red Cross and the Salvation Army are collecting funds to help with their respective programs. I am sure that they can put any donation that you can make to good use. I hope that you can and will help our brothers and sisters in this drastic need.

State-Specific Family Law Blogs

Several months ago, I published a list of state-specific Family Law blogs available online. Since that list was published, I have discovered several other blogs, and therefore I have now updated this list. I receive RSS feeds from each of these blogs, and I monitor them daily. These blogs are well written, and they provide a wealth of information to attorneys and clients alike. The state-specific Family Law blogs of which I am aware:

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GPS Trackers Foil Cheating Spouses

Advances in technology have made more tools available to those who suspect their spouses of cheating. Not that long ago, spouses had no choice but to use traditional methods, such as looking for physical evidence, eavesdropping on telephone calls, and/or hiring a private investigator, to attempt to confirm their suspicions. These methods continue to be used, many times with great success, but there is now another affordable alternative to aid in obtaining the necessary proof.

Global positioning system (GPS) trackers can be installed quickly and easily on the vehicle of the suspected cheater with a magnet and basic wiring. Once installed, special software will provide valuable information, such as pinpointing the tracker's exact location (in real time), showing a history of all locations that it has been, and detailing the amount of time spent at each location. Further, the prices of these units units have fallen in price to the point that they are now a viable option for many more people. While these systems cost in excess of $5,000 just a few years ago, some are available for less than $1,000 today. A recent article by Nicoletta Kotsianas in The Press of Atlantic City discusses the expansion and application of this technology as well as businesses that have tapped into this market.

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The Gospel of Gitomer

I recently discovered these pearls of wisdom and thought that I'd share them because they are just so good. How wonderful would our world/country/state/town/family be if we could all adopt and live by these simple principles?

Jeffrey Gitomer's philosophy is:

Give value first.
Help other people.
Strive to be the best at what you love to do.
Establish long term relationships with everyone.
Have fun (and do it everyday).

Jeffrey Gitomer is an award-winning sales guru who runs Charlotte, NC based BuyGitomer, Inc. Mr. Gitomer gives seminars and conducts training programs on selling and customer service. I have read his syndicated column for the past few years, and every article contains at least one tip that is both useful and immediately implementable.

Researching Readin', Writin', and 'Rithmetic

Ever want to find out about your child's school? What if it is in the next town, an adjoining state, or across the country? Parents considering bringing an action for custody often face this dilemma. Fortunately, there is an excellent resource, GreatSchools.net, that proclaims itself to be "your objective source of school information on elementary, middle and high schools." Using this information can help find the perfect school, track the performance of a particular school, and more. The site even offers a free newsletter.

What is RSS and How Does It Work?

So what IS RSS?

RSS (Really Simple Syndication) is an easy to use method for the distribution and management of news content. You can read and find the news you want, when you want it. Using RSS, you are able to monitor a large quantity of information quickly and easily. You do not have to actually visit a blog or website unless you are interested in a particular headline and its summary. What more could you want?

What software do you need?

To read and subscribe to RSS, you have two basic options: (1) newsreader software, or (2) a Web based newsreader platform. There are several different providers within each category, and the cost ranges from inexpensive to free. Hard to beat that.

How do i find out more?

Both the Wall Street Journal and Yahoo have recently published guides to using RSS. These excellent resources tell you everything you need to know to get up and running with RSS in no time. I guarantee that once you find RSS and realize its benefits, you'll wonder how you ever got along without it.

Thanks to Kevin O'Keefe of lexBlog for this tip. Kevin and lexBlog have been instrumental in helping me establish this blog, and he is on the cutting edge of blogdom.

Researching Medical Issues Online

Medical questions frequently arise in Family Court cases. Children get sick or injured. Spouses sometimes contract sexually transmitted diseases when they have an extramarital affair. Use and abuse of drugs (both prescription and street varieties) occur all too often.

Wouldn't it be nice to be able to quickly and efficiently research these issues? Yes, but not everyone has access to a good medical library. What about the internet? Well yes, of course, but where to begin to look? Is it too much to ask to have an organized resource to help find this needed information online? Not anymore.

Gloria Miccioli has published an excellent resource, Researching Medical Literature on the Internet. One can easily find links to medical journals, articles, textbooks, prescription medication, and even diagrams about virtually any issue, illness, or system. If you have the need to do any medical research, this article is an excellent place to start.

Thanks to Evan Schaeffer of The Illinois Trial Practice Weblog for this tip.

State-Specific Family Law Blogs

I would like to take the opportunity to reference the many state-specific Family Law blogs available online. I receive RSS feeds from each of these blogs, and I monitor them daily. These blogs are well written, and they provide a wealth of information to attorneys and clients alike.

The state-specific Family Law blogs of which I am aware:

Alabama: Lee's Divorce & Family Law Blog by Lee Borden, Esq.


Arizona: Arizona Family Law Blog by Nirenstein, Ruotolo & Gonzalez, P.L.C.

Indiana: Indiana Family Law by William L. Wilson, Esq.

Iowa: Iowa Family Law by Babich, Goldman, Cashatt & Renzo, P.C.

Kansas: Kansas Family and Divorce Lawyer by Grant D. Griffiths, Esq.

Maine: Maine Divorce Law Blog by Alan R. Nye, Esq.

New Jersey: New Jersey Family Law by Charles C. Abut, Esq.

North Carolina: Divorce News by Rosen Divorce

North Carolina: Ullman & Allen Family Law Forum by Ullman & Allen, PLLC

South Carolina: South Carolina Family Law Blog by J. Benjamin Stevens, Esq.

Tennessee: Knight on Family Law by Stephen C. Knight, Esq.

Virginia: Virginia Law Blog by Shane L. Jimison, Esq.

Check out these blogs, and let me know if you are aware of any other Family Law blogs. I'll be glad to add them to this list and to publish an updated listing in the future.