50 Ways NOT to Leave Your Lover (Part One)
I am pleased to present another excellent series of articles, 50 Ways Not To Leave Your Lover, by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, LMFT. I will publish this five part series each Wednesday for five weeks, and I hope that you find it helpful. Here is Part One:
You may remember the song from the 1970’s called “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover.” Some of the words of the song are “Slip out the back, Jack…make a new plan, Stan…. you don’t have to be coy, Roy…just listen to me.” In our culture and society, there are more ideas that interfere with healthy marriages than help them. We are a selfish and individualistic culture.
We are consumer driven and industries that succeed in today’s market find ways for good customer service and efficient quality control. Families, marriages, and relationships are sacrificed to the success of the self. The divorce rate today still encroaches nearly one out of every two marriages.
When we look for healthy models for strong marriages, functional family systems, those models aren’t found in our parents or even in our families. Why do some relationships last forever and others fall apart? This is a question that deserves some attention in a world that is looking for successes.
For the longest time, those that were religious presented the healthier and more stable marriages. Now that is no longer the case. The growing divorce rate in America has crossed just about every ethnic, cultural, religious and even racial divide.
Pathways Pastoral Counseling would like to offer an attempt towards helping marriages last longer and to help build on a platform of sustainability through the difficulties and trials. As a marriage and family therapist, I am presented with husbands and wives who have grown apart and found it difficult to stay connected because of loss of trust, loss of intimacy, loss of love, and no knowledge or skill ability of how to recover that which has been lost.
So I would like to present a new 5 part series called “50 Ways Not to Leave Your Lover” in an attempt to offer practical and helpful ideas to keep what you have so valued and invested in for how ever many years. Ultimately, a successful marriage and relationship is about how each respects, values, and honors the other in everyday life.
Here are some ways you can make your partner feel appreciated again and prevent your relationship from becoming a casualty. The first 10 ways are:
1. Treat your partner as you would your boss, best friend, or best customer.
2. Think about what your partner wants and give it to him or her.
3. Think of ways you can do the unexpected and be thoughtful. Remember how you acted when you wanted to win your partner over.
4. Pay attention to your appearance. Dress nicely; get into shape.
5. Express your thoughts carefully. Being married doesn’t give anyone permission to let it all hang out.
6. Spend regular time together alone.
7. Look for ways to compliment your partner.
8. Hug when you say hello and goodbye. It feels good and it makes people feel loved.
9. Learn and practice communication skills. Relating successfully to another person requires a set of skills that can be learned.
10. Be polite. Just because you are married doesn’t mean you can forget your manners.
Dr. Trey Kuhne is a pastoral counselor and licensed marriage and family therapist with Pathways Pastoral Counseling located at St Christopher’s Episcopal Church, 400 Dupre Dr, Spartanburg, SC 29307. He specializes in working with individuals, couples and families.
Source: "50 Ways Not To Leave Your Lover" by Rev. Dr. Trey Kuhne, Published in the March 2006 edition of Prime Years.
