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Marriage and Sex: Tactics to Help Catch Cheating Spouses

Feb 16

The following Guest Post is from Alyssa Clarke:

There is nothing more painful than suspecting that your spouse is cheating you. Being uncertain as to whether your spouse is being faithful or not can drive almost anyone mad. The worry that follows may leave you awake at night wondering that you’ve done wrong by ignoring the warning signs. It may also disturb you at home and work. If you are interested in finding out once for all whether your spouse is cheating you or not, here are the some tactics that may help you catch him or her red-handed.

  • Keep Track on Credit Card Charges. One of the effective ways to catch a cheating spouse is to take notice of your spouse’s credit card charges. If the charges on his/her credit card appears strange to you, try calling the company and inquiring about what the charge was for and what was purchased. If it was for something suspicious like a romantic dinner or gifts that were not for you, it should be a huge warning sign.
  • Review Cell Phone Records and Text Messages. Mobile and landline phones have made it both easy and difficult for cheating spouse to hide their secrets. If you get the access to your spouse’s cell phone, you could easily review the outgoing and incoming calls. Also, you should be on the lookout for repeated calls to and from unknown numbers. Similarly, you might want to look through your spouse’s text messages regularly. If you have reason for concern, you may consider using caller ID spoofing* to call the suspicious numbers to which your spouse has sent text messages. You can also use an online reverse number look-up service to trace the person to whom the number belongs. Of course, there is the possibility of your partner keeping his or her cell phone locked simply to avoid any kind of suspicion, which may be reason for suspicion in and of itself. 
  • Sudden Changes in Lifestyle. You should also look for variations and changes in your partner’s lifestyle. If he or she suddenly begins going to a gym, working out, or going on a diet, it might be done in an effort to catch or impress another person.
  • Pretend to Believe the Lame Excuses. If your spouse suddenly use the excuse of working late, going out on business for a company which had never sent him or her before, you might be better off initially pretending to believe them. Next time when your spouse makes excuses of working late, make a surprise visit to the work place of your spouse to see if he/she is there (and if so, with whom). If he/she plans to go on a business trip, tell your spouse that you would like to accompany him/her and wait for the response. 
  • Keep Track of Behavioral Changes. You could notice a few changes in your spouse wherein he or she shows awkward behavior which is entirely different from his or her earlier ones. Some of the peculiar reactions could include becoming outraged over small issues or ignoring responsibilities completely. Also, spouses sometimes stop their communication with you altogether just to hide the cheating. Sometimes your spouse may blame you for cheating, even though you have never committed such an act, just to defend him or herself.
  • Forgetting or Ignoring Important Events. Cheating spouses often forget important events in your life, which might include your wedding anniversary, your children’s birthdays, or other important events. Your spouse may no longer show the same love and affection on you as before or even appear to care for you at all. When asked for a valid reason, he or she might simply explode or ignore the situation.
  • Consider Keystroke Loggers*. The cheating spouse could be using other methods to interact with his/her lover. If your partner is using emails or instant messages to communicate with his/her paramour, you might be tempted to install a “keystroke logger” on your computer, which is software that can help uncover such communication.
  • Hire a Private Detective. Probably the best strategy to catch a cheating spouse is to hire an experienced private investigator. The services they offer can include email traces, asset searches, vehicle (GPS) tracking, web activities monitoring, computer forensics, surveillance, and other research into the person your spouse might be seeing.
* NOTE: You should always consult an attorney in your jurisdiction to determine the legality of these methods/tactics before engaging in such courses of action, as they may be illegal where you live and could subject you to criminal prosecution and/or civil liability. 

Use the above tactics to help discover the truth, and be sure to consult an experienced family law attorney sooner rather than later to help guide you through the process. Don’t be under the false impression that the problem will resolve by itself.

About The Author: Alyssa Clarke is a writer/blogger. She loves writing, traveling and reading books. She contributes for bornrich.com.

Posted on 16 February 2013 Posted in Divorce | Research & Investigation | Separation

One Response to Marriage and Sex: Tactics to Help Catch Cheating Spouses

James LivesayFebruary 22, 2013 at 9:25 am

Excellent article. I would throw this out there as well: as soon as you see any of this evidence that your spouse is cheating on you, start to think about what you are going to do if they are. Are you going to file for divorce? If you are, how will your spouse’s adultery affect any of the legal issues in your divorce? That will obviously depend on the laws of your state– here in Virginia, the spouse’s adultery would be a ground for filing for divorce right away, and may impact spousal support.

Anyway, if you might want to use the spouse’s adultery in a divorce, you should start thinking about how to build your case in court. It’s one thing to know your spouse is cheating– it’s another to be able to prove it in court, particularly if your state has a higher burden of proof for adultery. Again, in a Virginia divorce, adultery must be proven by “clear and convincing evidence”– a higher burden of proof than any other divorce ground.

As to both the question of what proving adultery might mean in your potential divorce, and the question of what evidence you would need to prove adultery in your state, I would highly recommend meeting with an experienced divorce attorney early in the process– even before you confront your spouse about his or her affair.

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