Spartanburg Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Stevens-MacPhail Law Firm : South Carolina Family Law Serving Columbia, Charleston, Greenville, Hilton Head Island

New clients often ask their lawyer how they can help ensure a good result in their divorce and/or custody cases.  The following tips from Jeanne M. Hannah can help clients obtain good results and often save money in their cases:

• Be prepared. Clients can gather documents and information about important financial issues, which will help save your lawyer time, which will typically save you money.
• Be flexible and prepared to accept change.  Understand that financial resources can become stretched during a divorce, and the ability to compromise can be invaluable in helping reach a successful resolution in your case.
• Be truthful with your attorney. Your lawyer's ability to help you is only as good as the information that you provide to him.  If you fail to provide accurate and truthful information, you are only hurting yourself.
• Prepare to use specialists.  You will generally obtain better results if you use a lawyer who doesn’t dabble in family law. Sometimes, other specialists may be needed to help with various issues in your case, such as counselors, financial planners, business valuation experts, CPAs, and/or child specialists.
• Ask your lawyer for recommendations to a specialist.  Your attorney can typically refer you to well qualified experts when the need arises.
• Make a list of the goals, needs and interests that are important to you, ranking them in order of importance. Once you draft your list, verify that they are realistic, and then focus on them and don't get distracted.
  
• Be empathic to your spouse’s position.  By keeping all avenues of negotiation open, you can determine the other person's goals and thus what motivates him/her to settle. 
• Reduce conflict.  The more you can work to reduce conflict and work toward a solution, the more you can reduce your cost in any case.  Also, you should remember that conflicts consume not only money, but also energy.
• Remember, this isn't the end of the world.  At the end of the day, you want to be able to walk away, to take a break, and to start over while holding your head high, knowing that you  handled things in the right way.

Source:  "Preparing for Divorce" by Jeanne M. Hannah, published at her Updates in Michigan Family Law.

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The following tips can help make your divorce case easier, less stressful, and less expensive:

1. Locate, organize and copy all financial records. Make one copy for yourself and a second for your attorney. Save the originals.
2. Close all joint bank and brokerage accounts. If that’s not possible, freeze access to the accounts.
3. Close all joint credit accounts. Open new accounts in your own name.
4. Maintain a written record of all expenses run up during the separation. This also includes joint expenses such as bills paid and home improvements or auto maintenance.
5. Establish your net worth. Keep a record of all income during the separation. Save pay stubs, bank and brokerage statements.
6. The forced sale of stock or other investments is likely to have tax implications. Consult your financial planner as needed.
7. Before the settlement conference, make a list of what you seek right down to household goods.
8. If there’s something you know your soon-to-be ex wants in the property settlement, don’t give it away in a hopeless effort to establish goodwill. Use it as a bargaining chip and trade it for something you want.
9. Settle out of court. This will cut legal costs and ease your jangled nerves.

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Many cases can get settled simply by getting the parties together to talk.  This type of informal meeting is called a "settlement conference."  The following steps can help you prepare for a settlement conference and improve the chances of its success:

1. Identify the issues in your case.
2. Understand how the law affects your case.
3. Know the estimated costs of trial.
4. Remain open to unique opportunities.
5. Keep a few secrets.   
6. Be determined.   
7. Be ready for a little give and take.
8. Be patient.
9. Get it in writing.

Source:  "Settlement Conference Success" by Helene Taylor, published at The Modern Woman's Divorce Guide.

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Birthdays and holidays can be especially problematic for newly divorced parents who share custody of their children. Naturally, it will take some time for your family to adjust to the new parenting arrangement. Avoiding confusion, ambiguity and the resulting conflict is essential to maintaining healthy relationship with your children. Emily Doskow at Nolo has written an excellent article outlining 10 tips for recently divorced parents seeking to enjoy holidays without conflict and disappointment.

1. Be Flexible

Where your children are concerned, the best present you can give your child is to head off conflict about special days like birthdays and holidays. The collaborative rule for you in this situation is adjust your agreements to fit your kid’s needs.

For example, if the kids express a strong desire to spend a holidays or birthday with your ex, understand the importance of allowing them to do just that, regardless of whose time it is “officially.”

2. Be Proactive and Plan Ahead

Always keep in mind that your new family arrangements require much more planning than when everyone was living under the same roof. One way to avoid disappointment is to communicate early and often with the children and your ex. Give your children’s mom plenty of time to think about your proposals and to respond. And keep in mind that pushiness usually produces more resistance than cooperation.

3. Be Kind and Generous

Especially during holidays, keep any bitterness you still feel over the divorce between you and your ex. If you can’t say anything nice, just smile. Avoid putting the children in the awkward position of taking sides. Be as generous as you can with your kids about their relationships with their ex and the rest of the family. Encourage them to talk about the gifts they received and activities they engaged in with other family members they see over the holidays. Let them know they can show happiness with both parents. Help your children shop for the other parent, as well as their sibling, grandparent, or stepparent.

4. Keep Your Word

Be particularly careful to follow through on whatever promises you make related to the holidays. It’s extra important to keep promises to your kids around holiday times — the holidays are a big deal for kids.

5. Include the Kids In Your Planning

Whenever it’s reasonable, let your children help make the choices about when and where to celebrate the holidays, and with whom. But before asking their opinions, make it clear that all plans must be cleared with everybody involved. This will help teach your kids to be part of the collaboration between you and your ex.

6. Create Two Holidays or Birthdays

Having two holiday or birthday celebrations for the children — one at your house, one at Mom’s — is often a positive solution for extended families. Just make sure that the plans you make are collaborative and that they are made well in advance. This arrangement reinforces for the kids that they have two homes and cements new family rituals and holiday customs.

7. Avoid the Indulgence Trap

Many divorced parents, especially dads, are still reeling from their personal hurt and guilt over the divorce. They may be overwhelmed by these feelings and respond to the children’s pain with too much money or too many gifts. Try to stay away from this unhealthy dynamic with your kids.

8. Take Care of Yourself If You’re Alone

Holiday time can trigger a resurgence of memories and melancholy feelings, especially if you are surrounded by couples and families. As holidays or birthdays approach, if you know you’re not going to get to see your kids, be sure to make your own special plans for the day.

9. Build New Family Traditions

Divorced parents, especially dads, often make the mistake of trying to duplicate exactly the pre-divorce family traditions. But you’ll be much happier and more satisfied if you create your own traditions for your new family.

10. Nurture Your Blended Family at the Holidays

If you remarry or get into a committed relationship and your new partner has children, they will undoubtedly have their own ideas about how to celebrate holidays and birthdays. Discuss with your new partner ways that you can bring together the children from both sides of the family, and get all the kids involved with planning what you’ll do together and incorporating everyone’s traditions.

Birthdays and holidays are special times for you and your kids. Communicate clearly and stay calm and flexible, and your extended family will have something to celebrate.

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