The majority of the cases our firm handles involve child custody issues in some way. It may be an initial determination of custody and visitation when a couple first separates, or it might be a modification of a prior custody arrangement due to further changes within the family dynamics.

Regardless of the reason, children of divorce experience many of the same worries and fears during the process. The manner in which parents, attorneys, therapists, and other caregivers handle these worries will often be the deciding factor in how well the child is able to overcome them.

In her book, Putting Children First, Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll cited a recent survey which found that the top five worries experienced by almost all children of divorce are:

• 98% When I'm with my mom, I miss my dad
• 98% When I'm with my dad, I miss my mom
• 94% I worry about will happen to me
• 92% My parents fight about me
• 86% My parents argue a lot

These are complex concerns for anyone, but especially for young children. During their parents' divorce, children find themselves in a kind of turmoil that nothing has prepared them to endure.  While most parents are unable (whether due to common sense or court order) to discuss the particulars of what is going on legally with their children, it is imperative that they learn how to be as empathetic and supportive as possible for their children. Doing so provides the children with some comfort and reassures them that they will never be forgotten, even though the family's routines and day-to-day life may be changing drastically before their eyes.

If, as a parent, you are struggling to handle your own emotions and worry that you are not able to meet the emotional needs of your child, seek the advice of a trained therapist who specializes in working with families and children going through separations and divorces.  Your attorney, pastor, or even your child's school guidance counselor may be able to offer referrals, also.